My H. called me four times yesterday evening. I did not pick up every time. The last call he made, it seemed he just wanted to talk but was looking for a subject that was comfortable and had nothing to do with our R. He ended up telling me about something going on at work, and he was making inside jokes with me, things only he and I would find funny. He hasn’t done that in a very long time. We talked for ½ hour. I’d have to say the conversation went very well. I think he was lonely yesterday; o.w. was clearly not around, or he wouldn’t be calling me that many times. He also made it a point to say, “take care” before he hung up every time [which I honestly think is his way of saying I love you without saying it.] He was even going to call me back again later, but it was getting late and he said he knew I would be going to sleep soon, so he would just call me sometime today. There has been a shift, but I don’t know what has caused it, or how long it will last. I plan to be a little more unavailable today, to keep the distance there. I’m not trying to play games, but I’m afraid to feel good about any of this because I usually end up hurt all over again. I will admit, my curiosity has me wondering what happened to o.w. this weekend. I realize there could be a thousand different answers to this, and none of them mean that he’s planning to come back. I know I’ll do better if I take the focus off of what is going on between H. and o.w. and just worry about myself, but it’s very difficult.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
