Al, Thank you; you made me feel a LOT better. I hate to admit this but I got a lousy night's sleep last night, all tied up in knots thinking he's doing so "good" now. He did ask me about cough/cold meds. to get at the drug store, so maybe you're right, he's thinking of how I would do those things for him when he lived at home.
I'll post later post-brunch. I'm sure we'll have a good time today. Hugs, Al!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I met up with Sassy this morning; had a wonderful time. She looks great, of course, and is just as sweet as you would imagine. We had yummy omlettes and a LOT of coffee (waiters very attentive at this place!). Mr. T. was there, too, and we enjoyed some good conversation; he knows my situation, too. Sassy got to witness WAH in cell-phone action--3 calls to my cell while we were at the restaurant. I let it go to vm. Unsure if he actually went to lunch nearby. We took some pictures; maybe she can post a link to them.
When I got home, there was evidence of H. being here while I had been out. I am so glad this happened. He came over and I wasn't here! That must be why all the calls; he had no idea where I was. He left me my gift card he bought me for Christmas (and kept forgetting to bring over) on the table. Very nice; I will enjoy using it. I felt bad for a moment as I realized his Christmas gifts are still sitting in the guest bedroom, wrapped. Next time he comes by (whenever that is) I will give them to him.
I started reading Make Up Don't Break Up (thanks, Sassy!) and it is excellent!!! Highly recommend this one. I am clearly the pursuer, and H. is the distancer. I have got to learn how to alter this behavior in myself if I can ever have another healthy relationship in my future.
So, I'm reading and relaxing, and my cell rings; it's H. again. I picked up. He asks how I am, etc. and mentions he came by the house today, and I wasn't here. I said, "Yes, I saw that you were here; thanks for the gift card!" He is not even paying attention to this...he said, "Yeah, I stopped by...where were you?" I told him I went to brunch with a girlfriend, which led to him asking where, what did I have, how was it, etc. I never asked him if he met his friend for lunch. We made a little small talk, nothing major, and he said he was going to go lay down for a while; he is still not feeling well and wanted to take a nap. He said he'd talk to me later. It was a good conversation, and I think my day turned out well without me even trying. I wasn't here when he came over and he totally expected me to be. A+ for Hope.
And so now I'm wondering what the hell is going on here. He is off today, and calling me multiple times. Where is o.w.? Why isn't she nursing him back to health? This is atypical behavior for him on his day off, and I don't think it's just because he isn't feeling well. Something is odd here.
Feeling good today! Sassy really lifted my mood; she is a lot of fun and very inspiring for me. I'm sure she'll post an update as soon as she can.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
hope Glad that you are feeling better. Wish I could say the same. when you hit my thread, you said that you didn't know how I find the time. Well, I have a variety of ways/reasons, right now I am on the board b/c I want to talk to my H, and it is killing me not to. I know I can survive w/o him b/c I have no choice, I just don't want to.
hope Glad that you are feeling better. Wish I could say the same. when you hit my thread, you said that you didn't know how I find the time. Well, I have a variety of ways/reasons, right now I am on the board b/c I want to talk to my H, and it is killing me not to. I know I can survive w/o him b/c I have no choice, I just don't want to.
My H. called me four times yesterday evening. I did not pick up every time. The last call he made, it seemed he just wanted to talk but was looking for a subject that was comfortable and had nothing to do with our R. He ended up telling me about something going on at work, and he was making inside jokes with me, things only he and I would find funny. He hasn’t done that in a very long time. We talked for ½ hour. I’d have to say the conversation went very well. I think he was lonely yesterday; o.w. was clearly not around, or he wouldn’t be calling me that many times. He also made it a point to say, “take care” before he hung up every time [which I honestly think is his way of saying I love you without saying it.] He was even going to call me back again later, but it was getting late and he said he knew I would be going to sleep soon, so he would just call me sometime today. There has been a shift, but I don’t know what has caused it, or how long it will last. I plan to be a little more unavailable today, to keep the distance there. I’m not trying to play games, but I’m afraid to feel good about any of this because I usually end up hurt all over again. I will admit, my curiosity has me wondering what happened to o.w. this weekend. I realize there could be a thousand different answers to this, and none of them mean that he’s planning to come back. I know I’ll do better if I take the focus off of what is going on between H. and o.w. and just worry about myself, but it’s very difficult.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope, Glad to hear the upslide in the coaster...is he still not feeling well? He seems to get needy when he doesn't feel well. Also, curious...how long has he been with OW and how long have you known about it?
That’s right; he is still sick. Actually, he sounds very tired and worn out, too. He’s been with o.w. since March of last year. I found out in Aug. of last year. They have broken up (my H.’s doing) 3 different times, but he’s always gone back, and the break up period has been very brief each time, less than a week. Two of those times I didn’t even know he’d done this, until much later when we were talking one night.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Great to hear your brunch went well and that you're feeling better. Can she come down to Florida and make me feel better too? As for last night, I totally understand how you feel. Getting excited over the "signs" can be dangerous but when you've been in the desert for weeks/months ANY sign of water is like a Godsend. You are doing great staying even and not over-reacting while still recognizing that something may be up. Take it as it comes, don't assume and try to stay in that place where you're willing to bite a snake for moisture instead of expending all that energy pursuing a mirage. Let it rain before you believe there's truly water.
Hope- Very curious indeed. I know how hard it is to not get your hopes up when he starts coming around more...i struggle with it every day. But, you sound like you are maintaining some objectivity...thats good. You are right in saying that it could be for a million different reasons that he is coming around...no use speculating. My H does seem to reach out to me more when he doesn't feel well, or can't sleep, or is upset...so, perhaps your H is doing the same. They do have a history with us and know that we can take care of them, b/c we understand them...the ow's don't have this advantage. Plus, since both our ow's have kids, i am sure it is difficult to care for a sick man. Try to remain objective about this. But, now you see what happens when you detach...keep it up...
