My heart still misses the version of H. that once was, before he jumped on the WAS wagon. I guess I still don't get it that the old version of H. is not who he is right now. He might never be that man again.
He was never really that man. It's more likely that, right now, your memory is skewed towards the "good times" or the good stuff about him in the past. That happens when we suffer a loss. Just as the WAS sees the relationship history as bad, LBSs see it as good. Just like widowed people who then place their deceased spouses on pedestals, even though they might've been married to real stinkers! I've often joked that the difference between a widowed person and a divorced person is that the widowed person wishes their spouse was still alive, whereas the divorced person wishes that their spouse was dead. Ha, ha.
In my case, I was told to see the bad stuff in my ex in order to obtain a more realistic view. That seemed impossible to me for some time, I honestly thought, "no... goodness... she was great! This and that and that and this... no, can't find anything negative to say worthwhile..." but you know what? In time, yeah, I realized a lot! Enough for me to say "oh yeah! Wasn't as I thought it was" when I look in the rear view mirror.
Sometimes I wonder, what does H. find attractive? The needy routine didn't work. Going dim hasn't worked. Acting very happy around him hasn't worked. I don't know the best approach; he’s not responding to anything I do.
Sooner or later you'll get away from the idea of doing things to prompt a response or change from H, and get more into doing it for you without that conscious thinking about it.
Be that as it may, people are attracted to confident, independent, self-loving, happy people with their own lives.
H may not respond to you at this moment because of where he is in his journey, and he may never respond to you because we don't know the future, but that does not negate becoming whole on your part, as H's responses does not dictate your life, nor should it.
