Trying, What you said is right—I am starting to take care of myself emotionally. I know what upsets me and what I can handle. I’m doing a lot better at avoiding the things I know cripple me. Months ago, it was like I was jumping into shark infested waters with no lifejacket or raft! I called him way too much, I made sure I was always home when I knew he’d be by. And I’d make special dinners, hoping he’d stay to eat. I can’t put myself through that anymore. It didn’t make a difference, anyway, but I had to learn that.
Sometimes I wonder, what does H. find attractive? The needy routine didn’t work. Going dim hasn’t worked. Acting very happy around him hasn’t worked. I don’t know the best approach; he’s not responding to anything I do.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
