I’m hanging in there. I still miss H. but I guess all this time apart with no frequent visits from him has helped me emotionally break away a little bit. I pray every day for my marriage to be salvaged but I know H. has to want to be in a marriage, and that seems to be the problem—he doesn’t.
I did a websearch last night on intimacy avoiders. Oh boy. I came across some very insightful articles that I bookmarked. H. has shown classic signs of this for a long time, even before the affair, and I just thought that was how he was; some people are like this, etc. I did not recognize it as a problem that could lead to the demise of our marriage. Another thing I came across was some information about unworthiness, and what it is like for people who suffer from this. H. also has this problem and I know it goes all the way back to when his parents D because his father was a WAH and left his family for o.w. I read for about an hour last night, and I think I have a very good understanding of what is really wrong with my H. and I so wish that I could do something to help him, but I know I am not his therapist, I’m his wife, and I cannot force this information upon him. I just wish someone could sit him down and explain to him, this is why you are feeling so badly inside. You are ok, you are worthy, and you have a lot to offer. You need to let go of the negative feelings you have about yourself. I find myself so frustrated about this. What can I do? Is there anything at all? Shocked, thanks, but I’m not regifting anything for Valentine’s day. I appreciate the suggestion but I am not doing anything for him come 2/14. I am not going to humiliate myself like that, when I am sure he has plans/gifts for o.w. If I do anything, it will be to stop off at the florist after work for a nice bouquet of flowers to cheer me up. Other than that, I don’t want to even think about the holiday; it hurts very badly this year.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
