Hey J - One - I agree with trying to keep the emotion out of it. Hard, I know - "What!!!! I gave you the incredible gift of this child and you want me to pay half the light bill??? Don't you feel any manly desire at all to provide and protect????" - but that kind of emotion will not help you in this discussion.
SO - let's start with facing facts that he doesn't have those feeling we all wish he had. On top of it, he has considerable anxiety about his ability to provide, and has never been real comfortable sharing. Given that we know this about him - and that he (and you) started into this arrangement with the idea that you would be working - and that to him, you not working probably feels like more of an anchor (since he's not even sure he wants to be in the R, and if you have an income he probably feels "safer", like there's an out if he needs it - well, okay, this run-on sentence is probably driving you mad!!!
Anyway - I might work up a balance sheet for him in anticipation of any conversation. Find out what a decent in-home nanny costs for, say, a 20 hour workweek. Include in that the costs of doing a background check, and itemize that expense (maybe that will make him think a little about the reality of entrusting his baby to someone else?).
Figure out what your income is likely to be for 20 hours of freelancing. Be sure to factor in a slight reduction in efficiency because of the distraction of having nanny and baby around (although hopefully you will schedule them to go out for a walk part of that time). Also figure out what percent of that income would go to taxes, to figure out what your true "take-home pay" would be.
You might add in the cost of a cleaning service, explaining that nannies don't do heavy cleaning and that after working 20 hours a week the baby will need the rest of your time (never mind the nap you need each day to make up for getting up with the baby in the middle of the night).
Then subtract all the costs from your "take-home pay" and show him what the bottom line would be. He may be shocked at how little there is left over after childcare expenses are paid.
(Hee hee - you might show him how much his taxes would go down if he married you, too, but maybe that's a discusiion for another day??? )
On the other hand, you might decide that there's enough income left over that it's worth it to you to to go back to work, just to get the financial freedom of not being totally dependent on SO.
Just try to keep this from being an emotional discussion where if SO loved you, he wouldn't be asking you for a contribution. And perhaps you can discuss other ways you can economize on living expenses to help bridge the gap? If he sees you being truly responsible about finances, he may feel less pressure.
Oh - and P.S.? Don't ASSume what he is going to say.
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