Hey there, J - Well - is there any hope for making this silk purse out of this sow's ear?
In the interests of being able to say you gave it your best effort: - how are you meeting SO's needs for affection at the moment? - what LL's are you using to express your appreciation for him working to support the three of you at a job he doesn't care for? - how are you greeting him when he comes home from work? (Suggestion - handing him the baby and saying "here! I'm going to take a shower" is NOT the best way! ) - how are you paying attention to him? (Don't forget, most guys are blindsided by the loss of attention when a baby comes along). - are you happy and showing it? (One thing I've learned here, men fear -and eventually leave - women they feel they cannot make happy)
I know, right now your days are exhausting and you really feel like HE should be the one meeting all YOUR needs. But - if you want to be able to say you did your best - make sure that these next few months paint as good a picture as you can of the domestic bliss available to SO if only he would give up his victim status. Sure, it may take you actually leaving for him to miss you - but wouldn't you want to be sure you left behind a lovely picture worth missing, rather than an image he'll be relieved to be rid of?
As to your question of what you are getting out of staying stuck - well, the most obvious one is financial. You are getting to stay home with baby while SO provides. I imagine if you had a 10 million dollar trust fund you would never have moved in with SO in the first place, and you certainly wouldn't be there now. Nothing wrong with that - SO is obligated to provide for his family IMHO, and your baby is too small to be entrusted to daycare.
BUT - if you are anticipating that a move may be an inevitable part of your future, it may benefit you to start figuring out that Plan B now. I know you're running into that barrier that it really is impossible to work from home with a baby, but the more you plan and save and think about how you could manage on your own, the less "stuck" I imagine you'll be.
As for SO - I'm imagining a conversation between the two of you, where you say "I love you now and I always have, that's why I fought so hard for our R". Where he says "I'm just not in love with you". You say "You fell in love with me once, and fell in love with me once again. What makes you think you can't fall in love with me a third time? Don't you know that those feelings can fluctuate?"
Don't know when the right time for that convo will be, or what the outcome would be. Just writing some dialogue, I guess
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