Again, you are right...I am changing (as seen above)and I can feel it and I like it...It does not come easy, but with enough effort it will. I need this for myself no matter who I'm in a relationship with.
I am glad that you see this yourself because after reading NYS post to you I was going to add this to his post. Part of the DB process is to move forward with your life, address the issues inside you so that you can be better prepared if a)spouse does return or b)you move forward and have a new realtionship.
Take it further...unless these issues are realized and addressed and worked on, the cycle will only continue on with whomever is in your life. However, your W also has issues that she needs to deal with, instead of working on these she has chosen to move forward with someone else, simply avoiding them in hopes that if you ignore it, that it will go away. Let me assure you that they will not unless the problems are faced head on. Example: my exH was controlling...I left him, vowed to never be with another controlling person in my life...met Dave, he was passive aggresive, he was not controlling but again not a healthy R for me to be in...he was also an alcholic. So while I went from one to another, there was still an issue with me...I was a Conflict Avoider. My issue didn't work in either relationship and it will never work until I can work through this. It's going to take some time and if there is someone in my life it will have to be someone willing to help guide me through this...it's not easy. For me, it will take someone who will be patient while I learn how to express my thoughts and feelings. I will have to learn how to do this, while taking the other persons feelings into consideration. Also, I have to trust this person that if they do not like what they hear they will not leave me, they will not have an A, they will not hit me, humiliate me or back me into a corner...they will be respectful. It's tough babe...let me tell you it scares the you know what out of me but I have to do this.
