NYS, those times when your thoughts go back and forth thinking things like "Did I do the right thing?", "Should I have given it more time?",
I will always regret that it did not work out, but I will not ever think that I didn't do enough or give it enough time...only I know how much pain she has caused me and for how long I have been taking it.
Pushing" someone out completely so that they can fully experience what they need to experience is not the best way to go about having them let the affair hit reality and see for themselves if the grass is greener. The aggressiveness and hostility of pushing will be remembered. The anger shown serves to justify the leaving partner's reasons for leaving.
agreed...but I'm past the anger...I'm hurt that she could do this to me...but actually I knid of am over the hurt a little (maybe the meds)...When I give the ultimatum(for lack of better term)...actually...I don't want to call it that...It's an agreement that I would like to have with W that she nor I see other people while continuing MC...now if she refuses there will be consequesnces but she wont know that at the time as for it not to sound like a ultimatum. It is setting a boundry and limit as to what I can handle for myself...that is it. Not asking her to choose me or reconcile...but lets just see where this leads for 4 weeks of MC free from any distractions on either of our part.
It may work better in your favor in time after some healing has been accomplished in both of you: the WAS's negative feelings may have dissipated, you may have provided consistent positives during that time that may have re-attracted the WAS favorably, the WAS may come out of the fog,
I agree with this also...I think W is losing some of the anger...This is what gave me such great hope in prev MC... Do I think she knows for sure that the grass is not greener or that the fog is for sure lifted...NO...She's not that far...is it going to take 2 more weeks, 2 more months...who knows...but If I am going to start doing things for myself...This is what I need. I want her to tell me (after telling me and MC that OM is a non factor) that she does not want to stop seeing him...then I will make a decision...maybe I'm just talking big right now and come Wed night, I'll have some other favorable sign to give me hope and change my mind. We'll have to see but I'm not expecting anything.
When you issue an ultimatum, you must be at the point where you can accept however it comes down. If it does not come down in your favor, you need to be able to walk away.
I'm more worried that she will say that she WILL stop seeing OM...that means huge amount of work on my part to contribute to getting over the A...and oh by the way...can we say trust...I'm just supposed to trust that she is going to stop cold turkey...I've been on this BB long enough to see that that does not happen...In the movies maybe but not in real life...and with her not living at home and it not being "her time or her decision" to end the A...I know it is very unlikely even if she told me that she would.
