I got home from funeral today and have calmed a bit from my emotional week. I am very gratefull for all of your feedback to suspend my decision on W. I am also proud that despite my emotions I have not called or contacted W in any way...This was tough with all the emotions going through my head.
Although, I did not get a call from W to see how I was through funeral...I did getna call from her out of town uncle...which tells me a couple of things 1)that she must have called to tell him what had happened, maybe to ask advise on whether or not she should go...and 2) I know he must have asked permission from W for him to call me...it was a very nice call...but of course no call from her Control freak Dad or cronic depressed Mom.
Well I checked with MC and she said that W needed to move appt off of Mon to Wed night...so that will give me a couple of more days to think my decision through.
I know there are people on this BB that have been doing this waaay longer than me and I feel so weak for thinking about ending it, but I just want to move on...not saying D for sure but I really think that until she knows what it truely like to not have me there to fall back on she will just keep this up...and honestly if she still doesnt come back, thats ok too...it means that she is truely in love or at least loves OM more than me...and that is ok...enjoy your life. But if she does want to work at it or even consider it...I would work harder than any body out there...I would give her whatever space she needed...but the lies and deceit, I'm over it...I know this is where NYS chimes in and says you're not detaching and if you did it wouldn't bother you that she is with OM...well it hurts and I guess I'm not detached and I guess I won't be until she is out of my life.
Wow just re-read above...eeks...sounds kinda bitter huh? I just started on Zoloft today (sounds like a lot of BB Disc today on AD's)...maybe it will kick in and chill me out.
