I guess I am on the tail end of this roller coaster... ...I need to be off this roller coaster.
The tail end of this rollercoaster of ours has neither highs nor lows. It's fairly leveled out. You're not there yet. The way off is to detach, you haven't done that yet. Instead, you continue to personalize her actions. You set up yourself for the lows by having unrealistic expectations, and now, you're setting yourself again by putting a deadline of Monday on your sitch. You're going to force the issue, not get what you really want to have happen, and although you may claim peace now with any way it goes down, Tuesday morning you're going to be in despair.
I am not going to allow her to hurt me anymore...I have to get to monday MC session to have closure.
You permit your sitch to hurt you, the alleged "closure" will hurt you too. It's an artificial timetable you're creating, there is no basis in fact to think Monday is the appropriate time to resolve this. Instead, what you're acting on is your own impatience, frustration, pain. You're being like a fisherman who may set a time for which he must catch the fish or else... it doesn't work that way.
You must disconnect those thoughts where you personalize that bring you pain ("she has OM stay the night of first great MC session...I am burying my gfather and she stays over at OM house") and step back to look at all this impartially. I'm impartial to your sitch and don't experience the pain you do, so when I look upon your sitch, what I see is that she's not ready to return right now. Doesn't mean it can't happen in the future. I see you as not having gone the length DBing, so it suggests to me that more time and the right efforts are called for, not ultimatums that will further push her out.
Going back to your conundrum of the other day, the matter of having the same C for your IC, I thought of another option for you. To drop it, and find a different C for yourself. Two reasons to consider that: 1. It appears if you proceed and she knows about it, she'll back off counseling herself or still attend but not be forthcoming to her C (we don't really know if that's what she'll do, however, so it may behoove you to just tell her that's what you wish to do and see what happens, you can always cancel your IC and find another C), and 2. you want to preserve the joint counseling sessions, as that still affords you the opportunity to have your issues examined at those sessions, as well as hers.
Bottom line is you're on the wrong track, you're going to end up with regrets.
