I feel official...locked out of old thread...still don't know how to link old thread though.

I just had gfathers wake last night. much of the eve fielding qustions as to where W was...that hurt. then to find out (shouldn't be shocked) that W was at OM house but she left car outside instead of hiding it in garage...why...because she knew I was out of town...this along with all her alien actions make me sick.

I look around to all my loving family and I think they are all too good of people to let W be a part of it...and i'm not being hurt or angry...it is just that as arrogant as it sounds, I think i'm too good for her.

well I guess I am on the tail end of this roller coaster...can't say it was a fun ride, but one I will learn and grow from.

she has hurt me too much and too deep. I couldn't sleep last night/this am and I felt the same way I felt when I first found out about A. W does not want me. this is obvious...actions speak louder than words...she has OM stay the night of first great MC session...I am burying my gfather and she stays over at OM house. she can have him and he can have her.

I am not going to allow her to hurt me anymore...I have to get to monday MC session to have closure. when I ask her to stop seing OM dbering style (those of u that follow my sitch know how I plan to do it). she will say that she is not prepared to do it and I will say that I am sorry but I can't allow you to hurt me anymore.

now I would hope that she says that she is not prepared to stop seing OM. she stays with him 5 nights a week and I can't imagine her just saying ok...I'm sure she is in love...just don't know why she is keeping me around.

As I feel nostalgic and can't sleep I re-read my old thread...what highs and lows I have been through. I look back at how I was on such a low when I discovered...then on such a high when we had our first MC session...(can't stop crying right now)...then such a low when I found out OM stayed the night of MC...and I don't want anymore highs because I know it will be followed by lows and why do I want to set myself up for that kind of pain and torture. I want...I need to be off this roller coaster.