Quote: I know it feels so great in the moment to release all of that anger, all that pain. Now, you can get back to DB’ing if you so choose.
Well, the positive is I did NOT yell. Neither did she, It was a pretty calm 'argument'. An 'adult' discussion of some sort. Everything was factual.
Quote: I know you say you don’t want your marriage, but I really think you do. Give it a few hours and when you cool down you will probably agree.
I'm cooled down. All I see is an impossible to DB situation. Too much hurt from me to her over too many years. Too much happiness with OM, and the underlying message that 'happyness' is out there... as long as she is not with ME. And OM isn't going to 'disappear' soon. The longer it lasts, the more she is convinced that 'happy' is the same as 'not with frank'.
I told my friend Brian that when I say things like 'But she didn't HELP ME' I feel like I don't deserve to say that about her. She did her best, and I should have helped myself instead of prolonging the hurt. She's hurt too much.
Quote: You’ve been in the fight for so long now; I know your marriage means a lot to you.
It's been 3 months. I used to think that there was hope when OM wasn't in the picture. I thought there was hope in the first few weeks BEFORE she slept with him but was still pursuing him. But after she got her 'taste' of what she would call 'being happy' and then she looks at our life, and cries when she thinks about the times I tried to change and failed, why would she have ANY motivation to give us ANY chance? She has no respect for me, and doesn't value the marriage any more. She only 'loves' me out of habit. This is not hope.
Quote: Don’t listen to your W. rewriting your history. They all do it, and not to our benefit...
Regardless, there is enough truth to it to make it all too real to her and to make a relationship with me undesirable.
I don't recall any DB success stories that were anything like my situation. I mean, alcohol addiction, depression, hurt, fears, lack of self esteem on her part, it doesn't get any worse except for relationships where there's violence. At least I didn't (and couldn't) do that.
Even though I was fully functional while drinking all these years, the hurt took it's toll on her. Most people I know say that in general if someone leaves a relationship where there was alcohol abuse, they don't go back. ever.
This can't be changed. I think all I can do is just take my licks and move on. I'm so sorry for what happened, I think I've atoned enough and almost forgiven myself. Some future woman, who doesn't have that history with me, will come into my life eventually. Then maybe I will be happy too.
