Quote: When I read that post to me, I realized that what I was missing, and what you may be missing is that to detach is not to distance or put walls up. I truly thought it was. I thought it was getting out of the house, going into another room, etc. What it is, is not reacting to the same stimuli that cause you pain.... By not reacting, I mean you can CHOOSE to be closer to her if she wants to be close to you, but you don't just do it because you think it's the right thing to do.
Yes, I have read that too. I guess I can balance it out by being less available than I have been but not try 'drastically' cut communications. It's the 'choose not to react' that is HARD since it's 'automatic' due to insecurities. LIke I said in past posts, I'm coming from COMPLETELY DOWN but having an intact (but not healthy) marriage to where I am now, picking myself up from being down AND dealing with this stuff. It's hard to maintain for as long as I have. Something had to give.
Quote: Oh, and one other thing, if it were me, and I was trying to ease off on the attachment thing, I would immediately stop snooping into her email, phone and IMs.
I did stop after last week's 'revitalization' of the 'relationship' with OM. I learned my lesson there. I only overheard the phone call because she was talking to him as she came in the front door and I was standing there. And the 'visit' was because she told me she may need me to be 'around' that week because she had some possible plans.
