My last post didn't really have a question so here it is.
Should I just be indifferent to her from now on? Just live in the house, be nice, polite, maybe joking but just not deal with her any more when I don't have to?
I've been treating this situation like it's 'just an affair' but the reality seems to be that she really WANTS a divorce. She sees no reason to think otherwise. Not having to 'feel responsible' for my feelings, depression or anything about me is very 'freeing' for her. And she often reconnects with the hurts she felt and that makes her feel better too.
(Although, when she thought OM relationship was over last week she went out of her way to tell me it would never work between us, like she had been thinking about it being possible.)
Whatever we may think of OM, he doesn't exhibit any of these traits to her. And the more that 'relationship' goes on, the more it hurts me.
It's not like I can change overnite - it took me years to get this way and right NOW (and the past few years actually) I really need a supportive wife and home environment but I have the opposite. Instead I have a WAS who is indifferent to me unless she fells lonely I guess, in which she is pleasant and warmer. I also HAVE to be stronger than I have been in years so my kids don't feel unsafe. My 10 year old is emotionally a wreck, every little thing makes her cry and she is not doing well in school.
I've been dealing with this for 3 months which for many on this board is no time at all. But living in the same house and knowing what she is really thinking and doing and pulling myself up from the hole I was in is taking its toll on me.
The dillemma is whether or not just total 100% detaching / indifference / avoidance will just piss her off and push her farther into validating her choices as being 'right'. I mean, I'll still be nice, talk about kids and house stuff and talk to her when she needs something. I just don't want to know her any more unless I have to.
It isn't that she is directly mean to me, I just cannot cope with this life we live any more. A wife who wants to do 'family things' together and believes we will be 'great friends' as we divorce, and we'll stay great friends, and still do family things. Not going to happen. Maybe in 5 years but not now.
I fixate too much on this whole thing and it hurts my ability to get work done. I need a solution.
The 'Break Free of the Affair' book says to 'back off' and maintain contact but only Quality contact. To me that is consistant with what I am saying - withdraw to indifference, but when there is contact, make it quality contact.
I need to do something different to protect MYSELF.
