Well, was just talking to W about potential travel schedules in February because I may need to go to Phoenix on business. I asked are there any dates that I should try to avoid because she may need me around, maybe she has classes or something scheduled? She said:
"Well, I don't have anything planned, except maybe the week of Feb 19-25 but nothing definite."
She was talking in a kind of tired voice (it's a little late, 11 pm) when she said this and did NOT say what she 'may' have planned, and seemed deliberately vague.
Now, OM was potentialy supposed to come out to CA for some reason around that time, and when she was worried that the affair was fading out 2 weeks ago, and she also found out from me that she had to pay half the utilities at our house, she had told him not to come because she couldn't afford to pay to travel to wherever he was going to be. (I am guessing northern california, we are in southern california.) Which was odd, that he would be this close and still not make the effort to see HER but expect her to make the effort to see HIM.
I got the impression he was visiting someone else as the 'excuse' for the trip and hooking up with W was a 'bonus'. He never said much in his e-mails other than calling them 'that person' or something. Maybe it's an ex-wife, visiting kids or something. It seems that he was going to see this other person(s) as the actual reason to justify the trip and seeing W was a bonus. He said something similar when they tried to hook up in Florida around thanksgiving by saying he could use the trip as a reason to do some other business he had to do anyway. The florida time frame was BEFORE they were 'lovers', she was still pursuing him.
Remember, she was telling me last Wednesday that it was 'over' because she had hardly heard from him for the previous 2 weeks. Then he called on Thursday and must have promised her the world and she's his true love or something. It's back to full "in love" again so it would seem that those travel plans would go back on the agenda. After all, she isn't 'getting any'. Who knows what his story is.
Her 'maybe I will have plans' didn't seem very enthusiastic, and she hadn't said this to me any other time in the past couple days when I was discussing travel times so perhaps it's really 'iffy'.
A lot of people bet me that OM was not going to come out here to see her. But, maybe he's coming out for some other reason anyway and wants her to come to wherever he is staying, or he will travel down here to see her.
When this was first mentioned by him in an e-mail a few weeks ago, I got the impression he wasn't coming to see HER, but for another reason and she was going to go where he was to see HIM by virtue of the fact she said she couldn't afford to take the time off to go. If he was somewhere local she wouldn't have to take time off from her work.
I really do hope that it doesn't work out because it will show her (maybe) that he is NOT going to make any real effort to see her right now and that his promises might not be so sincere. But, if it does work out then it will strengthen her connection to him and keep it all going. I still just don't understand why he would want to pursue her and would say he is 'In love with her'. I probably never will.
Whatever happens, I can't DB with her and make any useful progress as long as there is the 'relationship' going on. (she doesn't see it as an affair because she is getting divorced). When she thought it was over and contact with OM was thin, she was actually warming up to me a little. But that's all gone again.
And, I can't stand thinking about her screwing someone else again. I think I'm just going to try to not care about her any more. Maybe God will intervene and make this trip not happen, maybe OM just won't come. It's hard to 'bet' if his original intention is to see someone else for some reason and he actually has to come for that reason anyway. But it's weird that he's not coming JUST to see W.
I don't know what else to do except just see her as she is, not wanting to be with me, lusting after someone else.
It feels so sad to sit here and discuss my wifes love life with OM. she's supposed to have one only with me. This is so wrong. What the hell has happened to my life?
I'm seeing Counselor tomorrow, and W will see her wednesday. She said last meeting that she was sure W was going to start questioning things in her life, including OM, in the next 3 sessions and made me promise not to give up until after 3 more sessions.
Right now I just want to not feel anything for her. Just like she is not feeling anything for me. How do I do that?
Sorry I have not been very inspiring the past 3 days. I'm just not there right now. I know it took me a lot of strength to get this far and it's drained me to see the whole thing escalate. And I feel bad because there are others on this board who are dealing with a lot worse stuff. I just wish we had all been smarter.
Oh, I don't think I posted this but the other day (before OM reconnected with her) I was showing D15 my picture book from when I went to Europe in 1985 with my then girlfriend and her friends. D15 is interested in traveling when she is older. W came into the room and saw us looking at the book and said 'Oh, looking at pictures of GF?'. She then kissed D15 goodnite and mussed my hair. I thought it was weird that she didn't say 'looking at pictures of your trip?'. A couple days later when I was talking to D15 about the trip again, she told me that she thought W was jeleous of old GF and thought it was funny. It's weird how they can be so all over the place in their feelings.
