W just called me a few minutes ago. She's getting her hair 'done' and doesn't think she will be done on time to pick up D10 from school so could I do it. No problem for me.
BUT, then I start freaking. The last time she got her hair done was around Nov 30, a few days before she went to see OM for the first time! And, 2 days ago they 'reconnected' as we know so of course my imagination is thinking she is doing this to look nice because he has decided to come see her in Feb after all. But then I know you usually have to make appointments up to a week in advance. And if she was going to see him she would have had to ask me about those dates, would I be around for whatever 'made up' reason.
And, it's been almost 2 months, her hair looked like it needed a cut and style anyway. I am hopeless.
Saw Psych today to renew meds and check in. She told me to keep taking care of myself, that all this had nothing to do with me even though there were issues. Given what she knows about me and W she still says ANY reasonably mature or strong Wife would have stepped to the plate and done what was needed to support me and pull me out of my drinking and depression and SHE just didn't have that strength. ANd this is becomeing more apparent to W in Counseling but she has yet to make the actual connection between the two.
And because of that, she is doing what she is now, running away to a 'savior'. She pointed out that she sees so much of this from women that leave stable marriages she just doesn't understand why it is so prevolent today.
Her suggestion again: How long will you take this before you have had enough? I said at least 3 months more to give Counselor a chance to get through her wall. She suggested that the next time she says 'I don't want to be married' to ask her 'ok, when do you intend on filing?'. Kind of a shock treatment.
Anyway, all in all she suggested after I've had enough, to start pushing back. She likes my counselor's idea of another month of counseling before we change the dynamics. Then start pushing her to pay, move out, whatever. Change the dynamics. This agrees with Counselors ideas too.
I REALLY have to stop thinking these negative thoughts. Psych said GET HER LIFE AND OM OUT OF YOUR MIND! PERIOD!
She did say that I should continue to work on building a 'relationship' with W like we had sort of started till 2 days ago when OM reconnected. Being the solid relationship that is predictable while SHE and OM go up and down will sink in eventually. She hopes.
