Quote: I thought the 'aha' was about her realization that she should be teaching massage, not about whether she can be a one person business or not.
It was both. She should be teaching, and she should be able to do it herself, without any partners. And remember on THAT day she was starting to believe that OM was losing interest in her.
Quote: She's not following through on that 'aha moment' inspired determination to start the business herself that you say she expressed to OM on 1/14, huh? Her subsequent email you posted about on 1/19/06 12:04 PM, is her doing a 180 then when she states she's looking forward to setting up the massage business with him, which implies they discussed doing so prior to her making that statement.
Yes and no. She still intends to 'start' on her own. Last nite she was telling me about various people she knows who could be her 'assistants' when she gets going. And yes, OM had discussed this 'business' together too. He has brought it up a few times, always as a 'if you want to...' type statement.
But, reality seems to be saying that he can't come out here for a while. He mentions "Don't want to create false hope but I will have resources to do this... after my business is a success here...and I leave it to my partners..." Seems unbelievable.
And that for me is the puzzle. What does he INTEND to do? What is he CAPABLE of doing? And more puzzling, WHY is he doing this? It doesn't make sense.
Quote: Reading over your C's interactions with you, my belief is that there's way too much attention to what W is thinking/doing/feeling/planning et al,
Good question. I only post things about W and the DB'ing since this IS a DB'ing board.
W goes to see C weekly also so whatever I share with C helps her to determine what to do next session with W. I see C twice a week and besides talking about what W is DOING we talk about MY roles and what I'm doing to improve MY life. I have quite a good handle on these things.
I think because you and I had a 'argument' you conclude that is the way I am with everybody, including W. Well, I could conclude the same thing about you, but I don't. It was just an incident, nothing more.
So suffice it to say that I have a handle on my issues and continue to discuss the past, present and future in Counseling. Thanks for your concern.
Quote: I think the issue is the relationship's core itself, the dynamics of the people who that relationship merely mirrors, not outward topical side events like potential business partnerships - whole 'nuther ball game, that is!
Yep, that's exactly the issue. If you've been following my long but complicated story, I mentioned that W does not assert herself. That plus my depression and drinking to feel better was the volatile mixture. She was waiting for someone (or something) to take her away from her life, rather than figure out how to find the strength within her to fix it. I was stuck in a cesspool of self doubt and self hatred and was wondering why nobody cared enough to pull me up, especially my wife. Now I know that she didn't have it in her to be there for me. I had to do it myself.
The outside issues are my 'fears' and 'concerns'. I would say that I am fishing for 'reassurance' that this affair really is just an 'affair' and it will have a short life. It's my insecurities of course. Nobody can assure me of anything of course. It is what it is.
The biggest difficulty for ME is that in my gut, I KNOW there is something 'wrong' with this whole picture. OM says things that are well, 'unrealistic'. And for the life of me I can't understand WHY he would want a 37 year old woman who has 2 kids and her body isn't so great any more and she lives 3,000 miles away and she has no money and no real hope right now of earning enough to suport herself, let alone him. Why?
And why is it that when he fades out, she warms up to me again? But makes a point of telling me she doesn't want to be married any more at those times? When he re-enters her life full force again, she is up and happy and -- emotionally gone again.
AmyC said that she sees 'tenderness' between us in my postings. Is it strong enough to make the difference? I don't know. But I do know I fixate on the OM relationship because I JUST DON'T GET IT. And of course I'm hurt.
Quote: If so, does that reveal that you may have a pattern of being attracted to potential partners that are less intelligent to you?
No, I lived in a university environment till I was 28. Most women I dated were very educated. W was different. I felt something different when I looked into her eyes. A depth of love and soul I never saw in anyone else. It was different. The times we spent together were doing things that had nothing to do with being 'smart'. Hiking, camping, traveling, just having fun. If I hadn't lost myself, who knows what would have happened.
