I had an 'aha' moment yesterday (she goes on to talk about how SHE should be teaching massage and why isn't she doing it?) Then she tells him about the brownies and how she got messed up. no details.
1/19/06 12:04 PM : So I decided to see what her reply was to his last e-mail and phone call. She opened with 'my love' (was not saying that the past week) then she basically said that she was so happy he called and she was looking forward to exploring her relationship with him whenever that would be, and setting up a Lomi Massage business with him.
01/19/06 05:08 PM Quote:
Yes, she did put something into the e-mail [of 1/14], she said she determined that she didn't NEED to have a partner to do the Lomi/massage business, that she could do it on her own and that's what she SHOULD be doing. That was the 'aha'.
Curious and curiouser. From what you posted of her email, I thought the 'aha' was about her realization that she should be teaching massage, not about whether she can be a one person business or not.
She's not following through on that 'aha moment' inspired determination to start the business herself that you say she expressed to OM on 1/14, huh? Her subsequent email you posted about on 1/19/06 12:04 PM, is her doing a 180 then when she states she's looking forward to setting up the massage business with him, which implies they discussed doing so prior to her making that statement.
Do you think her 'aha moment' was really just about that she could do it herself, which it may appear to be on the top, or perhaps was her 'aha moment' really about who she realized would be a more suitable partner for her? Considering her actions, my thinking leans toward the latter.
spa trip shes planning in the next month or so is not going to be with any girlfriend
I would have drawn the same conclusion you have drawn but she did just get off the phone with GF earlier and they had made plans in the past to do this but didn't go.
OK. You had posted that her telling you that she was making the trip came immediately after a phone conversation she had with the OM:
Well, OM called her today while she was at home. She talked to him for an hour. When I walked into the house she went outside. A few minutes later she came back in and I heard her saying goodbye... She seemed happier but not ecstatic like she used to be when they talked after days of not talking... Afterwards she talked to me about a couple things... 3) Talked about going to a spa for a weekend with her girlfriend in feb or march.
and that's where I reasonably got that impression.
Reading over your C's interactions with you, my belief is that there's way too much attention to what W is thinking/doing/feeling/planning et al, yet W isn't present at the sessions so as to deliver her input. I understand that as being part of your healing process, but what are we doing with Frank and his patterns in a relationship or as a person? My understanding is that in any broken relationship, except for cases of extreme abuse, both partners are at fault to some degree. Since it's only one's self that one can help, the focus in therapy then becomes helping that person examine themselves and the role they played, help with their own behaviors and thinking and issues, making that paramount over their partner's issues or focussing so on the OM, and band-aid (IMO) patches such as exploring whtehr you could be a partner in her business or not (man, I think the issue is the relationship's core itself, the dynamics of the people who that relationship merely mirrors, not outward topical side events like potential business partnerships - whole 'nuther ball game, that is!) who is another unknown.
I am so stupid when it comes to this stuff...
You're depressed, naturally from this event, and labeling yourself as "stupid". You're not stupid. Life delivers blows which we then in retrospect hit ourselves on the head and blame ourselves for being dumb or naive. All that shows is blame. More important is what you do now and forward going, so as not to repeat mistakes - as THAT would be "stupid", wouldn't it? - as the past can't be changed.
Maybe I'll do better in my next life.
Well, there you go! Looking forward, that's good. Let's do better in this life first, makes good practice for the next Now the question becomes, what has to happen with Frank that's real and attainable for Frank, in order for Frank to have that "better life"?
I used to think she and I were 'meant to be', but now I am thinking it wasn't 'forever', just for a while.
I like that, it's a very realistic thought as opposed to "meant to be". I believe things are meant to be what we mean them to be, to the extent we have any power over it.
Maybe she needs someone more like her. Not a 'Super Genius' like me, who lives in the world of huge complex computer problems.
See? I knew you weren't "stupid". yet this raises a question for me. Should I infer that W was nowhere as intelligent as you? If so, does that reveal that you may have a pattern of being attracted to potential partners that are less intelligent to you? And if so, why? Sometimes we set ourselves up for relationship failure because we make selections based on unhealthy needs, never realizing that's what we're doing. We see that often, for example, with women who are attracted to "bad boys", for example, and then wonder why it never works out.
Was out for a long walk to cry, called a friend and told him I have given up... He Mentioned that when people 'give themselves to Christ' for example, they give up trying to control the world around them.
Your friend senses your grip and therefore advises you to surrender the control. In truth, you never were or are in control of anything regarding circumstances or other people, we just have an illusion we are, weaved by what satisfies that illusion. When you give up control, you merely give up the illusion of control, while reality remains the same. But there is more peace attached to that, since there no longer is the struggle to keep control, nor is there the depths of devastation that occurs when things seem out of control. Very Zen.
Frank... thanks for letting me try and help. Hope you find my thoughts helpful.
- as the past can't be changed.