Quote: TMU: Sounds like Tim and many others here. It is natural. We spend all this time doing such unnatural things like sitting back and watching our W's carry on with the OM, and then we're expected to resist the urge to run towards what seems like the brightest light in the universe after being in that dark hell for so long? I think not.
Yes, that is exactly it. I guess it was my turn to go through that experience. Tim and the others who have done this are way ahead of me. What a fool I was to think it would be that 'easy'.
What's worse is that I had gotten myself moving towards 'letting go' and detaching. I let myself reach out to her and then wham!
What I see is REALLY wrong is that I keep putting MY values into this. When OM says or does something to W that makes her happy, or makes promises to 'be with her' and 'start a business together' MY VALUE SYSTEM says he will actually do it because I WOULD DO IT.
And because of THAT I see these 'plans' as real. And since she responds with anticipation that these dreams of hers will be fulfilled, well then it seems like OM is able to give her the happiness I haven't been giving her. So I feel like I should just get out of the way, since I want her to be happy.
That feeling kicks in when I see her replies and I see how excited she is. Or when she is really happy, like yesterday, and I know it's mostly because she talked to OM. These things give me the feeling of hopelessness and that I'm up against more than just an OM that is a 'diversion' but is actually fulfilling her dreams. So I get weak.
But then I go to see Counselor. And after all my explanations about the situation, after all the hurt she sees me in, after all the promises being made by him that are what my W really really wants, she says "Don't give up". And since she told me from the beginning that she would pull no punches, and that if SHE truly believed there was no opportunity or reason for us to be trying to be together again, she would tell me straight out on that day to save ME from suffering more pain. I practically begged her to agree with ME that this OM and W 'relationship' was really everything that W wanted from life.
A companion / lover who would be her partner in life, and in doing the one thing she loves most as a business together. They could travel together, practice their art together, it's a dream come true for her. How could I possibly interfere (or compete) with her reaching that dream after hurting her for so long?
I really want her to let me give up, move on, get the F out of this hell. And she just quietly says 'give me more time with her'. I cried for ten minutes telling her I just couldn't, it wasn't right for me to even try to interfere with this relationship because it's what she really wants.
Then she asks me "Could YOU be a partner with her, help by running the business side and assist her in the teaching?" Well of course, I know how to run a business in my sleep. And my main work is flexible so I could easily schedule around her classes. I just need to learn the basics of Lomi to be able to 'assist' but that's easy enough.
So of course the next question that needs to be asked is "Why do I think only OM can help her reach this dream?"
She wins again. Like I said, sometimes she really pisses me off.
Of course, then the next 10 minutes are her poking holes in all his stories, his promises, and just HIM in general. She truly believes he is a compulsive liar, finds vulnerable women (I saw the pain in your eyes...) and uses them for his ego, and if possible to live off of. And he's 3,000 miles away.
And this is the hardest part for me. Is it TRUE that this is the kind of person he really is? Is he just using her, only to hurt her? And of course I want to protect her but that's what I've been doing for years, and now is the time for me to STOP.
And since I still project MY values on OM I have such a hard time believing that he is this kind of person. That is what I need the MOST HELP on from the DB Board. What is the reality here?
Anyway, W has been happy and up this morning too. And she is being very outwardly friendly to me a lot more, joking and stuff. I know it's because of the 'in love' high being back up again. So I don't know if I should withdraw or respond to her.
