Quote: Take the C's offer. Give her 3 more sessions with W.
Yeah, she meant that in 3 weeks if it didn't start to change then I could give up if I still want to. I will give it the time.
Quote: Things didn't seem that very different to me. Yet, you were having a melt down. I don't mean to make light of your feelings. I just think that reading her emails is messing with your head.
Well, what happened was I was so SURE it was over with OM because she said 'the relationship is gone now' when we were talking the day before. She was warming up to me that nite and I thought this was the turning point with om. SHe strted touching me more, and gave me a hug int the morning 'just because'.
It was looking GOOD.
Then, the next F*ing day OM calls her and gets her 'back on track' with the fantasy, and tells her he's going to come out here and they're going to do all the things she thinks she wants to do and she get's right back on the ILY bandwagon. And I felt so let down. I had let my hopes get up and I got destroyed.
That's what was different. I hadn't had ANY real hope since the beginning and there it was. And now it's gone again, and worse OM is telling her what she wants to hear. Maybe he means it, I don't know.
I let it hit me way too hard. I spent a couple hours with my friend on the east coast, who did a great job telling me what a scumbag this guy is and a liar and dirtbag, etc.. for about an hour. It helped. He also tells me how my W is a scumbag cheater and why don't I boot her out. Sometimes I wonder too.
I know so many others have MUCH WORSE EA/PA going on in their sitches. I probably look like a crybaby or something.
Basically, I have been holding it together for 3 months with a WAW who still lives in our home in her own room, is emotionally vacant with the kids (who are acting out and she doesn't deal with it properly) and she is obsessed with OM 3,000 miles away whom she was only able to go and screw once.
Her two best friends hate me and think OM is 'good looking' and since she's happy and NOT WITH ME they are happy to support her. Even though they like our kids and they know the kids are being hurt. They are that sick.
I am doing all this right after quitting drinking (3 months so far) on my own, getting myself out of my depression on my own, Doing intense therapy twice a week and DB'ing at home with W.
W goes through mood swings the past couple months and the kids basically are only getting quality attention from me, and they need a lot. Lately she has gotten better though.
To top it off, my job is as a contract programmer and the companies I work for are big, and they need me to design their next generation products right NOW. I work at home so I see my W all the time.
I don't have any family of my own so my only support is Counselor, My friend John in Connecticut, and Brian in L.A. and they don't always 'get it'.
Other than that I have no friends. Its a lot to cope with alone and it burns me out eventually.
I really need to go somewhere over the weekend but I don't know where and I don't have any friends to go with. Any sugetions in So Cal / Southwest?
Thanks all of you for your support. I hope I am worthy of your kindness.
