Frank, yours is one story that can actually bring tears to my eyes, as is has in the past, and as it is now. That post was almost unbearable to read, and I would have to imagine, much more so to write. I was going to respond to something early on, about how well you seem to handle the things you read in her emails, then I read the rest and understand why you can speak that way now. I hope there are people here who will break this down and talk you back from the ledge. I would love for you to be able to stick it out a little longer to see if anything real comes to pass with your W's R. I guess, in DB terms, the most applicable theory is the one about not believing much (don't remember the %) of what you hear and nothing that you see. She is writing those things in a vacuum, one that contains only him and her. I think that is a similar situation most of our WAS are in with their OP. If there is room for you to continue on, I think it may be in this fact that you find optimism in. I can't say much more than that. I just grieve for you and pray that this is something that is not so permanent as it seems in your mind. You worked so hard and I think so many of us look to you for inspiration. As I have said, you seem like you deserve so much better, but please, make the best of what you have. Again, I hope those who are more wise than I here post something that gives you real insight.
