Chrissy, I was flicking through a fashion catalog and realised I just was not interested in anything because HE wouldn't ever see me wearing it - I mean how dumb is that
It's kind of funny that the M is going fine at the moment even though all this is going on for me in the background
I don't intend to do that.
I'm hoping I can hold that position once work-guy is gone.
So you are working on yourself and self esteem and appearance for yourself right?
Your M is going better right?
Though you know you are infatuated with another male and have newness hormones to butt going on You think you won't go back to your old ways when work guy is gone.
Please read the first statement that I have reposted of yours. And then say again how all this is for you and your working on your marriage. Absolutely – you are right it is not
Then go to the second sentence. Your M is no better dear. All those fuzzy feelings are being transferred to your H that you have for work man. It is what is going on in the back ground that makes your M appear to be going better. Supplys about to run out what you gonna do then? Right again, I will be miserable and that will transfer to M
I believe the next lines answer that. You don't intend to go back to not putting in so much effort into your self. But are not sure you can hold onto to this high/self esteem rush once he is gone. No but I can try. I can be aware of myself and what is causing my feelings. H will not have done anything to make me react differently to him. My supply of junk will be cut off, my supply of something more healthy which keeps up my self-esteem will need to be increased and it is up to me to make that happen. H is cool, he has problems and he needs to address them but I do not need to lay on him what is going on for me. (he does this to me but that is a whole other story). I need to keep cranking the handle that is keeping our M on track, keep complimenting, keep thanking for the little things, keep jumping his bones and not resenting when he is not doing any initiating.
I am not trying to be mean or harsh. I am not trying to be a hypocrite because I also had a EA of sorts. But reality is your infatuation drug/rush is about to run out and what deversion it is providing you and emotional pump up it is giving you is about to end cold turkey. And you will be faced with the reality that it is helping you hide from. Be prepared my dear it is not pretty or a fun ride. Thanks for preparing me, I am sure it is not going to be fun, things that will help me:
EA is not a big deal only been going on a couple of months and was never realistic option (he is 15 years younger and from what I can gather an irresponsible dickhead – y’now 29 going on 15. He was not pulling his weight around the workplace even before he resigned so others negative comments did have an effect on me). What I have to learn from this is not to regret it but to use it to my advantage, to see where it has been helping me to feel good about myself and what effect that has generally in other areas of my life. IOW do things that make me feel good about myself (not stupid things!) I recently was reading a book on conversation between Dalai Lama and a psychiatrist - at a friend's house while babysitting. I read the chapter on suffering. What the Dalai Lama said was that suffering is part of the human condition and that if we accept suffering without trying to fight it we can move on more easily to a more peaceful state. His words rang true for me and I wish I was better at remembering exactly what he said rather than cod-quoting it. But what I think I'm trying to say is that I can deal with the pain of the EA finishing. I won't see the guy again after tomorrow. I will feel pain but that is part of the human condition and I will not try and fight it. I won't try and contact him or do anything which helps me to not forget all about him. Another thing that I realised is that pain is often the Ego feeling bruised. Ego's deserve to be bruised so there is nothing to worry about there.
My H did not provide me with conversation and stimulation that I needed. My EA did well 18 months afterwards my H still does not provide these things. I have more of a relationship with others on this board. And it sucks but I am not hiding from the reality of it anymore. I am with you there Chrissy H and I have very little stimulating conversation, it's just not his thing.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
