"Although I was so close today I could feel my heart pounding and butterflies in my stomach."
Oh gosh, your words bring back such memories and feelings for me. I can SOOO remember feeling such anxiety as each day passed, at each opportunity missed to see her, at each word that I said to her that wasn't perfect. The funny thing was how much it sucked at the time but I didn't realize it. Now don't get me wrong, OW and I did have some good, fun, happy times together. If I hadn't had an EA, those would have been some of the most pleasant memories for me. But in-between those times I was filled with so much heart-ache, and I couldn't even feel it I was blocking it out so hard.
Did you ever have a crush on someone who was "out of your league" while you were younger? Do you remember those feelings of unrequited longing? Nights where you couldn't sleep because you wanted them so bad, but ultimately knew you couldn't have them. That is how you will feel most of the time in an EA. It is weird, because at the same time, this person you have a crush on is responding, does seem available. But the unrequited feelings are the same.
Please spare yourself this Fran. I can hear in your words that you are close. Maybe I am projecting here too much and you really aren't that close to caving in. I know I am just some stranger, so I mean nothing to you in the grand scheme of things. But I tell you, if you do this, I will hurt for you out of empathy. That's just the kind of guy I am. I did the same thing with Lil when she had her epiphany. I will hurt for the pain I know you will feel. It will come, during the EA, and then 70 times 7 greater afterwards.
Sorry, I am really ranting here. For some reason hearing your words is bringing back a lot of stuff in my head. Sorry again. Be well.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
