"6 more days (work days) and he is gone. I guess I can hold out without doing anything crazy. When he decided to resign, the feelings that had been bubbling under surged to the fore. Like the prize was being snatched away and I wanted to reach out and grab it."
Believe me I understand what you are going through. As OW and I do not live near each other, we only saw each other during the work events, which were two 2-week workshops. At then end of that second workshop, I was VERY vulnerable, anxious, etc. and that is when the one physical part of my EA occured (she was probably feeling the same way). So take it from me, I can guarantee you that if you get started, that last day before he leaves is going to be the longest day of your life (probably, I don't know what all has happened in your life) and you will be extremely vulnerable to going places that you may not even think are possible for you
"After all - I reckoned - what's to lose if he's leaving anyway. But I know what's to lose. It would be another really fat nail in the coffin of my M. There are two maybe three nails already but I guess with work I could maybe prise them out. Doing this would not be heading in the right direction even if it does seem like a minor detour. Like you say it is a bear trap."
You have a LOT to lose. I'm not sure what those other nails you mention are, but an A is a big, fat, crooked nail jammed all the way in past the head in a walnut board. And I'm not talking about just your marriage. I am talking about YOU. Do you really think that you would be satisfied having a 6-day fling? Do you really think distance is a barrier to all those chemicals people have been talking about recently. Let me assure you, it is not!
This is not a minor detour, you know it. This is a long term, screw with your mind and body, pain-fest. Let me add one more thing then I'll quit this rant. Let's say, you happen to go far enough in the EA that you fall "in love" with this man (i.e. get enough deposits in that love bank that it overwhelms you). Whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing, except hurt and hurt and hurt, whether it is from pining away for the man you "love" or arranging things in your mind so your SO can never live up to the dream you have for OM, thus KILLING any chance you have for your marriage to work.
I'm sorry if I am coming across strong here. You do seem to have gotten control of your feelings to the degree that they won't influence your actions. I admire your strength. I appreciate your willingness to express your feelings here. You are a strong enough woman Fran. You can resist this. You deserve better than to put yourself through it. You can get what you want out of life, but not this way.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
