Thanks, girls. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. I've pulled all the ol' books out -- especially those that deal specifically with infidelity -- and have been thumbing through them. I plan tonight to actually sit down and read the chapters on dealing with emotions in the aftermath of an A.

The good news is that H has been home any time he's not working. And he's working so hard at his job, then coming home and having to work at unloading all of his things. I guess there's a big part of me that feels compassion for him ... but an even bigger part that says, Hey pal, you're the dumba$$ who pulled this crap to begin with.

But as soon as I think that, he says it out loud. So I know he's beating himself up for everything that's going on. That he's still taking time to stop and call me from work, or to lie on the couch with me in the evening, should probably be enough for now.

Ya know what? Maybe another thing that crawls my skin is that *she* -- and all the drama surrounding her -- is still getting so much of my H's attention. He took a half day off work yesterday to drive her to an appointment that they didn't even end up going to. He couldn't go with me to my prenatal appointment today because he had already taken time off work for *her*.

He only has two weeks of vacation, and taking her dumba$$ to the doctor two or three times has already soaked up one to three days of his vacation. The more she eats into that, the less H will be able to take when I have my baby.

H says he wants to make sure that she gets to any abortion appointment A) Because he would like for her to have one, and B) Because he would be paying for it, and he doesn't want her to take his money and not go through with it. But she showed yesterday that she has no intention of following through with an abortion (probably because she's not pregnant, of course). I feel like H should draw a boundary with her and tell her that he's no longer interested in taking her anywhere. If she calls him, wanting him to drive her somewhere else (even to an abortion), H needs to say no. But he says that scares him because he's afraid she won't go to the appointment if he's not taking her.

I just wish she -- and even the idea of her -- would stay out of my life. She makes me sick. And it makes me sick what my H has done.