Hey, girls! Thanks for posting.

(Becca) How are things on the R front with H? Any hugging? Kissing? ML? Verbal expression? Cuddling? Time together? C'mon, we all have to live vicariously through you now!

Hey, I'm not *that* much fun! As for intimacy, neither H and I are having any physical problems, that for sure. Emotionally, I'm a little weirded out, but it hasn't stopped us from being intimate. He's holding and kissing me a lot, telling me that he loves me, etc. I'll leave the etc. to your imagination.

I feel like we kinda picked up exactly where we left off. H has been very affectionate (even though he's been really tired from moving all of his stuff back home).

We had a little exchange last night, which kinda made both of us cringe. He's been so tired becuase he's been moving for virtually a month now. (He moved into OW's dad's apartment on Jan. 1, and only three weeks later, he's moving everything back). He's been really busy doing that, and I told him last night that I felt -- especially considering the circumstances -- that he could be devoting a little more attention to me. (Don't get me wrong; he's showing me attention, it's just not the amount I feel that I need right now, considering the OW situation.) Anyway, he told me that he thought his priority was moving all of his stuff back home and away from her. I guess I have to suck it up and deal with it for the next week or so. I asked him if he couldn't get some help from friends, or rent a UHaul instead of taking so many trips.

Anyway, it was our first little disagreement, and it all started with him telling me that OW had taken some clock from the apartment that OW's mom had given H, and H apparently really liked it. He told me that OW's mom gave him several Christmas gifts, and it made me feel really gross ... and angry. I told him that I didn't really care to have the things in the house that OW and/or her family had given him, especially for Christmas, which was less than two weeks after he and I had started "reconciling" and had ML. I don't want their sh!t in my house! (But I said it to him nicer than that. )

... And that thought led me down a trail of others, like:

How could he pick up with an entirely new family in only four months?

He took OW and her two Ds to the mountains for the weekend. How could he *do* that?

How could he be going to the movies with her kids while my two Ds were at home, crying over him?

How the *he11* did he fall head over heels into another family in only 4 freakin' months? And that whole time, we were sitting around, agonizing over losing him...

I mentioned some of those things to H last night and didn't get the response I wanted. I don't know, in those cases, what I should do? Should I keep my mouth shut? I guess if I'm solution-oriented, then I should. But I feel like I need to get all those feelings out. With that being said...

(Piglet) How are YOU doing? How ya feeling.. do you even know right now?

Not really. I've been too preoccupied with all the sh!t H created to be thinking of myself. But sometimes, feelings hit me. I've been pretty angry since last night, but I'm trying not to let H know. I feel like he comes back and expects everything just to fall right back into place without any extra effort on his part, and that pi$$es me off. Why should *I* be the one who's making sure he knows that he's wanted at home? Shouldn't I be in a really good position to create boundaries right now? Why do I feel like if I do, he'll leave again? Why do I keep wondering if he's up to no good?

I'm mad. That's how I feel. And it's hard for someone like me -- who believes in total openness and honesty -- to keep those feelings hidden. I don't know at what point I can say things to him, and I don't know how he'll react. He keeps apologizing for causing me to hurt so badly, but that's just not enough. I feel like he should be helping me not to hurt in the first place. And to tell you the truth, I don't know what would be enough from him. It seems to me he should be going above and beyond the call of duty to pay attention to me and to let me know he loves me. And I just don't feel that he's doing that.

Okay, enough venting. I'm just glad you guys are here for it. H and I just have to get into MC ASAP. That's all there is to it.

But then, you say this, and it makes so much sense, too:

She said to be careful to not let working on our R keep us from building our R.

Maybe I should just slow down and realize that things are going to be awkward at first; it's only been three days since he's been back, for goodness' sakes. I'm going to have doubts and second thoughts and worries. But all of our problems aren't going to be fixed overnight. Maybe I should just relax, let him get all his stuff moved back, enjoy the time I'm able to spend with him right now, and then worry about "fixing" our R later. Whaddya think?