H had asked me last night to rent the movie that he was watching when he had his breakdown last week. So I did, and he broke down again last night. He cried and cried and cried, and I just let him talk. He said, "Anybody who leaves their H or W for another person -- anybody who *thinks* they can just take their love for their H or W and give it to somebody else -- is just stupid, and they're wasting their time." He said, "That feeling of love always comes back. I should have just waited. It's always going to come back.
UH HELLO!!! EARTH TO PREGGO...are you going to leave us here on pins and needles...dammit woman what was the movie????
As a side note, my atty is sending H's atty something to have H agree to put my name on the house deed so H can't pull this kick-me-outta-the-house sh!t again. So see? I'm still looking out for myself. We'll both be dropping the lawsuits against one another for now, and we'll see how things happen...
That's my girl!!! Keep that head on straight...good for you.
Now next time Miss IWannaBePreggo claims she wants to see her Dr. why don't you go along...just tell her that you had an appointment too so you thought you'd just carpool, what with the cost of gas and all these days. Did he mention that you both would adopt?
Now isn't it wonderful to read a happy post? I'm so glad to hear how your husband has come out of the fog and realizes all he almost lost. You kept it together and were a fine example to all of us. I'm so glad for you. How is your family taking the news? About o.w.--- no way is she pregnant. So don't even worry about it. If she were, she would want him in the room with her during the appt.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
(Ellie) Do you think he would read "AFTER THE aFFAIR" with you?
Hey, I've got a lot of capital to spend, I think. I'm already trying to figure out which books I want him to read. I'll make sure that's one. Thanks, Ellie!
And btw, what's the name of that movie? maybe everyone here should rent it for their spouses????
Wicker Park. I will say, however, that it was kinda a weird movie to me. I didn't like it 'til it started making sense in the end.
PS - maybe he should watch Fatal Attraction next for good measure?????
Funny you mention it. I rented that one, too, 'cause I wanted him to see the basis of my "theory." After about the first 45 minutes, H said it made him feel too awkward.
(Sassy) Now next time Miss IWannaBePreggo claims she wants to see her Dr. why don't you go along...just tell her that you had an appointment too so you thought you'd just carpool, what with the cost of gas and all these days. Did he mention that you both would adopt?
I'm not sure if he's mentioned that yet. I'll have to ask him.
When H called OW today to tell her he was on his way to get her for the appt., she asked, "Are you alone?" H called me to tell me about it; he got a kick out of it.
At first, he wanted me to stay put -- not help him move his things, etc. -- because he knows I'm a hellcat ... and apparently so is OW (albeit a psycho one). He told me he didn't want a confrontation. I told him I'd held my own in confrontations before, and if I chose to have one with her, he would need to support me in the same way I'm supporting him through this.
His feelings about it all has changed drastically in the past two days. He said I can go to his apartment with him at any time ... even asked me this morning if I wanted to hide in his van to ride with him and OW to the appt. I told him I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut after the first freakin' whimper I heard outta her mouth.
Quote: even asked me this morning if I wanted to hide in his van to ride with him and OW to the appt. I told him I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut after the first freakin' whimper I heard outta her mouth.
Now that would be a Kodak moment??? I've actually had to pull a GF of mine who was 8mos preggo off a little young thing that had been having an A with her H. It was not pretty let's just say that...in fact, we both got 86'ed out of the club, permanently.
(Hope) You kept it together and were a fine example to all of us.
Thank you, Hope. No doubt, you guys have been good examples for me, too. Couldn't have held it together without you.
How is your family taking the news? About o.w.---
Well, the fact that H is back home has been enough for them to digest; I'm not saying anything about OW being preggo for now ... and especially not until we find out for sure that she is and that the baby is H's.
As for everything else, everyone in my family is very supportive of me. They say that they know I make well-informed decisions, so they stand behind whatever I decide. I have a wonderful, wonderful family.
H has told me that he wants to talk to my dad -- that he thought of calling him a million times while we were apart. My dad's not quite as anxious right now. He said, "You know how you keep saying that H hurt your two girls, and how you'll hurt him if he ever does it again? Well, he hurt *three* of my girls, and I don't get over that too quickly."
He said, "I'll probably tell him that he gets one shot for free, and he's already taken it. If he pulls this sh*t again, I'm gonna hurt him."
no way is she pregnant. So don't even worry about it. If she were, she would want him in the room with her during the appt.
I *totally* agree, especially considering she "let" H name the baby and everything. H said she never stopped talking about the baby. So if she was so darn excited about having my H as her baby's father, why in the *world* would she not want him back there with her? Weird!!
(Sassy) Now that would be a Kodak moment??? I've actually had to pull a GF of mine who was 8mos preggo off a little young thing that had been having an A with her H. It was not pretty let's just say that...in fact, we both got 86'ed out of the club, permanently.
Love it! And all I can say, GF, is that it's good we don't live in the same town!
WOOHOO Preggo. I soooo know she isn't. What a flake. like she thought she could steal him back from his already pregnant wife. I gotta say, he deserved that scare so much though. So, much as I hate to prod into your private life...ok, who am I kidding, I'm very nosy. How are things on the R front with H? Any hugging? Kissing? ML? Verbal expression? Cuddling? Time together? C'mon, we all have to live vicariously through you now!
I kind of thought that deep down your H had to be a decent guy just in a really bad crisis of some kid and I do think I was right. No idea what possessed him to pull the [censored] he did, but I think he probably loves you a whole lot.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Definately NOT pregnant, but enough about that twit!
How are YOU doing? How ya feeling.. do you even know right now? Yes, I know you're a tough girl, but I'm a toughie too and there's and end to that rope. How are the girls? You have so much to process, please take care of yourself, get enough to eat and plenty of rest. Don't want any surprise visits by that baby boy!
Heatherg posted some advice on my thread ages ago and I wish I'd have followed it when H first moved home and we started this process. She said to be careful to not let working on our R keep us from building our R. It made sense at the time, but I was gungho to SOLVE the problems.. put it behind us. I wish we'd have slowed down and took it day to day and built some good feelings/memories/interactions instead of me focusing on what needed to get done. Just a thought. Also, this is such a special time for you now... the baby.. precious There are things that can't be ignored, but I hope you won't forget to ENJOY the rest of your pregnancy and share the moments when you get a chance with your H. That's something that can't be gotten back... I spent much of my preg with S6 worrying about marital probs (that ended in D!) and my memories of that time are sketchy... I wish so much that I'd have just taken the quiet times and focused on him and shut everything else out of my mind. So, bond with that baby!
Enough mothering..hehe. Im still WOWd by the turn-around in your sitch. You have lots there to keep ya busy, don't forget we're here for ya and love ya lots!
(Becca) How are things on the R front with H? Any hugging? Kissing? ML? Verbal expression? Cuddling? Time together? C'mon, we all have to live vicariously through you now!
Hey, I'm not *that* much fun! As for intimacy, neither H and I are having any physical problems, that for sure. Emotionally, I'm a little weirded out, but it hasn't stopped us from being intimate. He's holding and kissing me a lot, telling me that he loves me, etc. I'll leave the etc. to your imagination.
I feel like we kinda picked up exactly where we left off. H has been very affectionate (even though he's been really tired from moving all of his stuff back home).
We had a little exchange last night, which kinda made both of us cringe. He's been so tired becuase he's been moving for virtually a month now. (He moved into OW's dad's apartment on Jan. 1, and only three weeks later, he's moving everything back). He's been really busy doing that, and I told him last night that I felt -- especially considering the circumstances -- that he could be devoting a little more attention to me. (Don't get me wrong; he's showing me attention, it's just not the amount I feel that I need right now, considering the OW situation.) Anyway, he told me that he thought his priority was moving all of his stuff back home and away from her. I guess I have to suck it up and deal with it for the next week or so. I asked him if he couldn't get some help from friends, or rent a UHaul instead of taking so many trips.
Anyway, it was our first little disagreement, and it all started with him telling me that OW had taken some clock from the apartment that OW's mom had given H, and H apparently really liked it. He told me that OW's mom gave him several Christmas gifts, and it made me feel really gross ... and angry. I told him that I didn't really care to have the things in the house that OW and/or her family had given him, especially for Christmas, which was less than two weeks after he and I had started "reconciling" and had ML. I don't want their sh!t in my house! (But I said it to him nicer than that. )
... And that thought led me down a trail of others, like:
How could he pick up with an entirely new family in only four months?
He took OW and her two Ds to the mountains for the weekend. How could he *do* that?
How could he be going to the movies with her kids while my two Ds were at home, crying over him?
How the *he11* did he fall head over heels into another family in only 4 freakin' months? And that whole time, we were sitting around, agonizing over losing him...
I mentioned some of those things to H last night and didn't get the response I wanted. I don't know, in those cases, what I should do? Should I keep my mouth shut? I guess if I'm solution-oriented, then I should. But I feel like I need to get all those feelings out. With that being said...
(Piglet) How are YOU doing? How ya feeling.. do you even know right now?
Not really. I've been too preoccupied with all the sh!t H created to be thinking of myself. But sometimes, feelings hit me. I've been pretty angry since last night, but I'm trying not to let H know. I feel like he comes back and expects everything just to fall right back into place without any extra effort on his part, and that pi$$es me off. Why should *I* be the one who's making sure he knows that he's wanted at home? Shouldn't I be in a really good position to create boundaries right now? Why do I feel like if I do, he'll leave again? Why do I keep wondering if he's up to no good?
I'm mad. That's how I feel. And it's hard for someone like me -- who believes in total openness and honesty -- to keep those feelings hidden. I don't know at what point I can say things to him, and I don't know how he'll react. He keeps apologizing for causing me to hurt so badly, but that's just not enough. I feel like he should be helping me not to hurt in the first place. And to tell you the truth, I don't know what would be enough from him. It seems to me he should be going above and beyond the call of duty to pay attention to me and to let me know he loves me. And I just don't feel that he's doing that.
Okay, enough venting. I'm just glad you guys are here for it. H and I just have to get into MC ASAP. That's all there is to it.
But then, you say this, and it makes so much sense, too:
She said to be careful to not let working on our R keep us from building our R.
Maybe I should just slow down and realize that things are going to be awkward at first; it's only been three days since he's been back, for goodness' sakes. I'm going to have doubts and second thoughts and worries. But all of our problems aren't going to be fixed overnight. Maybe I should just relax, let him get all his stuff moved back, enjoy the time I'm able to spend with him right now, and then worry about "fixing" our R later. Whaddya think?
There are things that can't be ignored, but I hope you won't forget to ENJOY the rest of your pregnancy and share the moments when you get a chance with your H. That's something that can't be gotten back... I spent much of my preg with S6 worrying about marital probs (that ended in D!) and my memories of that time are sketchy... I wish so much that I'd have just taken the quiet times and focused on him and shut everything else out of my mind. So, bond with that baby! 