Whooah GF What a lot to deal with PDB. It seems your H is learning the difference between home and neverland.. the hard way.
He plainly stated that he wants to come home, and he had known in the back of his mind since he left that one day he'd want to. He said he had planned on coming home in December, but when he told OW, she wanted to bring him lunch and they ended up ML. He sees that as both their responsibilities, because he should've never fallen for it. But when I write a little later about OW, you'll see this is very, very typical of her. Anyway, H said when I caught them that he was so ashamed and knew I'd never have him back, and that's the reason he went off the deep end the way he did: Basically to save face. Ya know, as much as this sucks, it's an explanation that can explain his COMPLETE turn around in such a short time. Saving face.. that pride'll get us every time! It definately goes hand and hand with the stubborness and anger that he's been exhibiting too. And true.. we often only turn from it when we fall completely on our face and there's no other option than to admit the ugly truths.
It's hard to know what to say, except that you are doing well with what you've been dealt here. I can't imagine how torn you must feel right now and it's good to see that you're keeping an open heart, but setting some boundaries for yourself.
I agree that she's whacked. If the baby is due in Aug, the first day she coulda gotten pregnant would've been in Nov. There's NO way she can feel it move or know the sex by now! She's feeding him alot of emotional crap. As with everything else though, he's probably gonna have to figure that one out himself!
I'm sending up lots of prayers for you right now. Take care of yourself and that boy.. lots and lots of R&R. I only have one word of advice other than that and I got it from Dr. Dobson (Love Must Be Tough)... you have more power at this moment to negotiate boundaries and respect in your R than you ever will again... don't accept less than it takes to fix this completely... don't you dare settle! You deserve the BEST.
PandDBing...read and then relax. You can't cause yourself too much stress, it will start early softening of the uterus. You may even start to experience braxton hicks. So go with your intuition, it is never wrong. think back to all the times you went with your gut, where you ever wrong. Believe what is in your heart.
Silla
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on....Robert Frost
Have I told you guys lately how much I freakin' *love* you?? You're all keeping me so centered right now; it's no wonder I'm able to handle these blows so well. I've had another long day -- and tomorrow promises to be another long one -- but I'll need you guys big time, so I'll be around (H is going with OW to the appt.).
Say some prayers for me, and I'll be in touch. Thanks so much, to all of you, for your support and kind words. I'll be responding more tomorrow.
Hi P&DB, I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I really am in aww by your sitch(I have actually told my SIL about it and we sypathize for you). In one way it gives me hope, b/c me and you are in somewhat of the same sitch. I tell you, you are an amazing woman, to hold strong for your marriage, espacialy finding this out, seesh! All my frinds and family say I'm incredibly strong as well, to be willing to stick this out while my H is off making a mockery of our marriage and family, on top of being pregnant. They say he is making a huge mistake b/c no other woman would do that for his sorry a**. Well, I was thinking that about your sitch, and it looks like your H is realizing what he is going to lose if he doesn't shape up.
Keep your head up, we are all here for you!
Hope all is well with your litte baby boy, my baby girl is coming within 2 weeks!
P&DB, I've been here done that and your sitch seems very close to mine. The night my H left me, he hooked up with an ex of his from the past. They ran around for 2 weeks together before my H decided he needed to be with me and our kids. A week later OW calls and says she is pregnant. I say, ok, let's travel to her town with a pregnancy test and see what's up. She's not interested, doesn't want me there so I end up dropping H off at her place and going elsewhere for the next hour. Finally, H calls me to come get him with a negative test and the knowledge that she's actually on birth control pills and it's a little more unlikely that she'd actually be pregnant. I flew off the handle because she was lying and manipulating my H. He had to restrain me from going into her apt. Before we found out the truth, I told my H that I would accept his mistake, love his mistake and treat his mistake as my own, if it came down to it but I was so relieved to find it was all a lie. The moral of my story is that it sounds to me like the OW's pregnancy in your sitch, is a huge fabrication. But you still need to support that H as if it's a truth because he'll come to realize that you have is back, in any sitch.
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
I know I haven't posted too much to your threads, but I do read them daily. Just seems like you get a lot of good advice from people around here- much better than I could ever give.
Anyways, I told you my story about my WAH when I was pregnant. Mine came back too, but it was pretty touch and go for awhile. Just keep your eyes and ears open and trust your instincts, okay? Just b/c H is back doesn't mean he's still not confused... and that could have an affect on you. Just keep your focus on yourself and that baby of yours. Support H, continue validating him, but let him deal with "his" problems.
And like everyone else- I would watch out for OW. She certainly sounds like a wack job and seems very, very, desperate. If she is fabricating this pregnancy and that comes out, sI wouldn't put it past her to not try another tactic to "keep" H, or, to seek revenge... and I'm sure you know who she blames for your H leaving her....
My thougths are with you. I am concerned. Take time to do something special for yourself during this stressful time..
PetiteFlower
PetiteFlower
Quote: Follow Your Bliss
~Joseph Campbell
Hey, guys. I am so uplifted by all the support and advice here. You will never know how much it has helped ... because it has offered me much-needed words of wisdom, and because I can literally feel your support. And that's priceless.
More information keeps on comin' in, on both the "me&H front" and the "H&Psycho front". Let's start with H & Psycho 'cause that's a lot more sexy!
Guess what??!!! None of you will *ever* believe this, but H goes to pick up OW at her house to take her to the abortion consultation. Five minutes into the ride, she can't go through with it and wants to go back home. Uh, okay. She's either not preggo, she's too far along for it to be H's or she's being sincere. Let me throw another one atcha: Both times H has gone with her to her obstetrician, she says she'd "feel better" if H just waited on her out in the waiting room.
Oh, and after H took off work today to take her to her appointment (that they didn't end up getting to), she gets out of the car and pulls her shirt against her stomach. H said it had appeared to mysteriously shrink. He asked what happened, and she said her doctors don't know. But they think that the three freakin' medications she's on caused her to have epileptic seizures, and that's why she had to go to the hospital yesterday. That, in other words, was her "just complications." Ellie, are you out there?
Is anybody getting more and more convinced that there will be a miscarriage in the next couple of weeks ... and not a *real* one, mind you?? H and I are still expecting the worst, don't get me wrong. But what's the worst? She's preggo with his child. Okay. Accepted.
I *knew* she was going to have to do *something* to get out of that appointment today. I bet it wasn't even scheduled. The witch!
H said he drove her back home, and she started in with all the questions, "Do you want me to let you know if I terminate? If I don't terminate the pregnancy, I'll put him up for adoption. Would you like for me to let you know either way?" H said, "That would be nice." She asked if he wanted to have anything to do with the baby, and H said (again) that he would financially support the baby, and that's it.
He said she kept crying, and he kept using a mantra that he and I had formulated earlier: "I am sorry for dragging you into the middle of this. I didn't intentionally set out to hurt you, but I'm back at home now and I'm happy."
After saying that to her several times, H said she started to back down and ask if he wanted the pictures her Ds had made for him, if they could keep the things that he gave them ... and, of course, if H would continue working with her. She said, "I have a lot of jobs lined up; do you want me to give you a call when I need something made?" H said "no" to all of those questions -- except the ones about her kids keeping the things he gave them.
She said she wouldn't call him any more -- that she would e-mail him instead. Well guess what? As H is on the phone with me, giving me the whole story, she calls him. I tell him to take the call and call me back later.
He said she called to ask him questions about his apartment -- what he was keeping, what he was leaving, why he took such-and-such, if he planned on leaving such-and-such. She said she wanted to move into the apartment. H said he would let her know when he was turning all the utilities off so she could get them turned on in her name and avoid a service disruption. He said she kept saying, "Just one more question ..." He said, "It was almost like she had 80 questions on a piece of paper to ask me." I responded, "She prolly did."
So enough of them for now. H had asked me last night to rent the movie that he was watching when he had his breakdown last week. So I did, and he broke down again last night. He cried and cried and cried, and I just let him talk. He said, "Anybody who leaves their H or W for another person -- anybody who *thinks* they can just take their love for their H or W and give it to somebody else -- is just stupid, and they're wasting their time." He said, "That feeling of love always comes back. I should have just waited. It's always going to come back.
"All I can say," he continued, "is that the grass isn't greener."
Those words meant a lot to me, mainly because we use that phrase a lot on the boards. And it's going through *their* minds, too. Luckily for me, my H found a total psycho, which makes me look all the better!
As a side note, my atty is sending H's atty something to have H agree to put my name on the house deed so H can't pull this kick-me-outta-the-house sh!t again. So see? I'm still looking out for myself. We'll both be dropping the lawsuits against one another for now, and we'll see how things happen...
Yeah - there is NO WAY she's pregnant. What a load of horse manure. She's a psycho one, all right - but that's kinda good for you, makes you look better by comparison. Just make sure H understands that she's psycho and desperate enough to try to seduce him again so she CAN get pregnant, and he'd better mind his P's and Q's.
Also I hope he understands that the less contact the better - if he tries to "let her down easy" she'll just keep hanging on - total no contact is better (and safer).
Do you think he would read "AFTER THE aFFAIR" with you?
And btw, what's the name of that movie? maybe everyone here should rent it for their spouses????
What a lot to deal with PDB. It seems your H is learning the difference between home and neverland.. the hard way. 
