Hey, y'all, I got an email from P&DB a bit ago. She may not get a chance to get back online tonight, so while I'll certainly wait for her to tell her story I just wanted to let anybody who might be concerned know that she's doing well! Her life doesn't seem to want to be simple and straightforward, but it isn't always bad, either.
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Hey, Spitty. Thanks for your concern. And thanks, P3, for giving folks the heads up. bigAl, sorry I wasn't back in touch Saturday...
I apologize for the momentary abandonment. I've had a tough weekend, but I'm planning to get you all up to speed soon. Going to get some coffee, then I'll give it to you. I'm gonna need all the words of wisdom everybody can muster. You guys have helped me so much up to this point; I'll prolly need you more than ever now!
Sit back and grab some popcorn. As you all well know, there's never a dull moment in ol' Preggo's life. And nothing that happens can be simple.
Remember this, from my Jan. 19 post?:
And, he said, worst of all, he left me. And now, he said, "there's a lot of sh*t going on there, too" (talking about where he's living). He said, "I've got a whole new set of problems there."
I asked if OW was pregnant or something, and he said, "No, but she's fallen in love with me, and I don't have those feelings for her. I can't make myself feel the same way."
Well, in fact, OW is pregnant. H told me Saturday. He said he didn't have the guts to tell me about it when I asked on Thursday.
He told me she's pregnant after asking me if he could come back home. He started the conversation, talking of that internal struggle he's always had (and I touched on in depth in one of my earlier threads). Sometimes, he wants a materialistic life -- lots of money and a cheerleader-type GF who wears make-up and takes an hour to get ready to go gas up her car. Other times, he wants me -- someone who dreams of a small cottage in the mountains, thrift shops and doesn't dress like she's in a beauty pageant when all she's really doing is grocery shopping.
He said, "I thought, Yeah, OW is like all my previous GFs, all prim and prissy -- I even changed my own style when I was with her -- and I thought that was what I'd been missing." But now, he says to me, "I know for sure that that's not what I want. I want you. I think you're perfect. I can be myself when I'm with you."
He plainly stated that he wants to come home, and he had known in the back of his mind since he left that one day he'd want to. He said he had planned on coming home in December, but when he told OW, she wanted to bring him lunch and they ended up ML. He sees that as both their responsibilities, because he should've never fallen for it. But when I write a little later about OW, you'll see this is very, very typical of her. Anyway, H said when I caught them that he was so ashamed and knew I'd never have him back, and that's the reason he went off the deep end the way he did: Basically to save face.
And he admitted that once he found out OW was pregnant, he tried in his mind to figure out a way to make things work with her. However, he said he kept comparing her two Ds to my girls -- and, he said, "Nobody can hold a candle to D8 & D9." He said he finally built up the courage last week to tell her that he wanted to ask me if he could come back home. He said he had his first-ever emotional breakdown in the middle of the night on Thursday (the same day I asked him if OW was preggo). And he said he made up his mind that he was going to ask me to come back home. However, he said he felt sure after telling me that OW was pregnant, that I wouldn't have him back.
When he told OW that he wanted to go home, he said he awoke that night to her crying on his couch (she had apparently gotten a key to his apartment from her dad, the landlord). H said he didn't pay her any attention and fell back asleep. He said the next thing he knew, he was waking up to her crying in the bed beside him.
So he came over Saturday and laid all that on me. And I'm so confused. I did tell him that if he wanted to work things out with me -- and that I couldn't promise him that I could do it -- then he'd never spend another night in that apartment. I told him he would need to move back home and sleep in another room. So last night, three weeks after moving *all* of his stuff for the *second* time in four months, H started moving stuff back home. All of his clothes are back, his bikes, his CDs -- everything, he said, that he didn't want to find charred when he went back to his apartment.
I told him that I would not allow his issues with OW to overshadow what he did to me -- that he got himself into the mess with her and he'd have to get himself out of it, but that he *would not* neglect *our* issues in the meantime. I told him it wasn't fair for me to have to put what's happened to me aside to deal with their problems. He agreed.
Yesterday, when he went to his apartment to pack more things, he found this letter from OW on the top of his trashcan (like she didn't intend for him to find it -- puhlease! Oh, and BTW, I'm typing this exactly like it's written):
H,
I came by this mornig to get my things -- I wasn't surprised that you weren't hear.
It hurt me that you had put OUR babies ultrasound picture away. I guess out of sight out of mind -- but we both know that is bullshit -- but you know plenty about bullshit don't you
I am very angry at you now -- for so many reasons -- for becoming what you said you didn't want to be, lying to me since the day I met you in Aug.
You know the truth always comes out I hope that you have learnd that.
I also hope that you haven't hurt me so much that I will never be able to trust anyone else again
Right now it looks like (her baby's name) will be the only man in my life for a while
I am taking back the blanket my mother gave you. My grandmother made that and you don't deserve to have it.
I have some glasses on the top shelf that I couldn't reach, If it is not too much trouble, could you get those down for me by Tuesday. I am still plannig to go to that appt w. you
I know that you are making a mistake here -- by doing all the things you've done -- I just hope you don't regret it when it all comes back around, because you know it will --
Someday when your really SAD & you feel like the whole world is against you -- I hope that you will think back to the moments we shared and smile -- knowing that there was a time when you had all you every wishd for.
She's a whack job. And my H fell for her. I can't freakin' believe it.
And I can't believe she's carrying his child. I'm so sick over it. She says she's due in August, which would mean she's two/three months preggo. She's already told H that the baby's a boy -- which she can't know if she's only 2-3 months along because sex differentiation cannot be determined for several more weeks (and she hasn't had an amniocentesis to my H's knowledge). She let H name the baby one of his favorite boy names, and she tells him she can feel the baby move -- again, mind you, when she's only 2-3 months pregnant. (For those of you who don't know, I didn't feel my baby move until I was 18 weeks; the earliest most people feel their baby move is 16 weeks, or almost 4 months along).
Okay, so we've established she's psycho.
H said, "Well, she's talking about having an abortion if I'm not going to be with her, and she's said she would put him up for adoption." I said, "Okay, I'll call her bluff. Tell her we'll adopt him." H asked if I was crazy. I told him she was using the baby to try to entice H to come back to her. Actually, she had apparently told H that she couldn't have any more children, citing some major problems she has with her reproductive system (which made her miscarry a baby at 4 months along) and diabetes. My H isn't the brightest lightbulb in the pack, which I believe we've already established, and fell for that, too. However, he's acknowledging that this is the result of his own irresponsibility.
I told H that I won't have it on my conscience to support her having an abortion, but that OW and her baby are not my responsibility. Her decision is her decision. H is saying so many things about her and her baby that he's said to me about me and mine that it scares me, and I brought that up to him. He told me that he panicked when I found out I was preggo -- that he had been wanting to leave for some time when I found out. The pregnancy, he said, was the final straw. However, he said he has developed a connection to my baby -- and he said he's always felt a little connection to him -- it's just that he thought after he left that I wouldn't have him back. As for OW, he says, "Her baby is the result of my carelessness and irresponsibility, and I realize that now, the same way that I realize that (my baby) is the result of our love and our marriage." That whole issue is something we're obviously gonna have to hit hard in therapy, which BTW, H did recommend. He said he hoped a C would be able to help him understand why he buries his feelings until he near explodes.
H is going with OW to an abortion consultation tomorrow.
Here's my idea of what's going through her mind, and what H would have to do to help OW make a decision for *herself* and not with the glimmer of hope that her baby can pull H back to her:
I believe OW has every intention of having her baby, and that's fine with me. H says she'll probably be too mad at me ("since I'm leaving her for you," H said. WTF??? ) to let me have anything to do with her baby. I told him I beg to differ, and that if he was *my* H and the father of her child, that I certainly would have a part in that baby's life if H wants to. He says he doesn't, but I told him I believe he'd live to regret that -- just like I knew he would if he never came back into *my* baby's life.
I think the appointment on Tues. is another of OW's attempts to get H back ... just like lunch and "goodbye sex" last month. I think that she believes H will back away from the idea of an abortion by going to the consultation. I told H that he has a huge responsibility: Letting OW know, without losing his temper or his will in the meantime, that he has told me about her pregnancy and that I support him regardless of what the two of them decide. And that he will financially support the baby if she chooses to move forward with the pregnancy, but that's the limit of what he plans to do.
I believe somewhere in OW's mind she'll be able to process that H isn't coming back to her, and she'll now have three children to raise by herself. Now, *I* was willing to do that, so maybe she will be, too. But I think we'd all agree that she and I are cut from two totally different fabrics.
I don't know. I wish I didn't have to spin my wheels on this latest problem when I'm so bound and determined not to ... because I want to be selfish and demand that *my* issues are taken care of. But I'm hoping that we'll have a better handle on what she plans to do in the coming week.
I'll post more about my feelings later. Just wanted to catch you all up to speed (and sorry for the length of this post).
I'm sure you already know this but it sounds like your H was intimate with her long before he claims he was....also he should consider the possibility that it is not his. Women pull that crap all the time.
P&DB. I do pray that you and H can work through this and move forward. I do think he loves you a lot, he is just very screwed up right now.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Hey, Becca. Thank you so much. You kinda predicted this from the beginning, if you'll remember. And yes, H has admitted that they were intimate long before he told me they were. I already knew they had been, so I guess he just confirmed it for me.
Well I think you should really throw her for a loop and ask for a Paternity test. She obviously is not of the highest morals to begin with. If not for the innocent children involved, I'd say she got her due for messing with a married man. She won't have any choice as far as you being around her child, your H is entitled to visitation with his child and she'd have a heck of a time trying to explain to a judge why she doesn't want the wife of the father of her child around the child.
Anyway, I'm sure you already know all of this. Just know that in the end, you won. It will be a very hard road ahead for you and if you are to make it work, you will have to find it within your heart to forgive. THat is truly the only way. I think the most important thing for you right now is to pray your heart out, for God to help you find a way through this and to love your H again and to forgive him for his mistakes. I don't envy you that, you are a stronger woman than I am just for allowing him the opportunity to make it right.
Email & MSN Messenger: Becca_1975@msn.com
Yesterday Is History
Tomorrow is a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That Is Why It Is Called "The Present"
Wow, THAT is some helluva update! There is too much to comment on, but suffice to say that it seems like you get the pretty good with the really bad. I hope this complicated mess can be worked out and your H finally understands what it's like to be with a REAL woman! Why are men (and women) so stupid sometimes. I am really happy for you (I think) and I hope this time it's for good!
I've had a tough weekend, but I'm planning to get you all up to speed soon. Going to get some coffee, then I'll give it to you. I'm gonna need all the words of wisdom everybody can muster. You guys have helped me so much up to this point; I'll prolly need you more than ever now! 
) to let me have anything to do with her baby. I told him I beg to differ, and that if he was *my* H and the father of her child, that I certainly would have a part in that baby's life if H wants to. He says he doesn't, but I told him I believe he'd live to regret that -- just like I knew he would if he never came back into *my* baby's life. 