You are such a nut, Sassy. Which is why I adore you!
but could you work it around the 4th of July weekend? The Hawaii trip is definitely second in line to Austin. Never fear. If things ever *would* work out between H and me, he loves to travel. Maybe I could bring him along and introduce him to the people who helped me see that cutting his penis off wasn't necessarily the answer to my problems. He'll appreciate all of you.
what is your take, how are you feeling...how's our little DB baby doing these days?
Ya know, as much as I tell myself that I'm not going to think about things, I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning and couldn't fall back asleep until 6 a.m. It wasn't a matter of plotting or planning or strategizing or any of that, because I honestly do realize that this is H's journey -- it always has been -- and I have absolutely no control over it.
What I'm *trying* to do is keep my eyes straight ahead. I don't want to hurt anymore than I already have, and I don't want to fall victim to in-and-out games. I *think* H knows that.
But as for me, I'll listen if H wants to talk. But I'm going to make darn sure that he's made up his mind. How will I do that? Well, to begin with, he'll have to agree to MC and at this point, I'd even go so far as to say he'll have to initiate it.
My H doesn't get too emotional, but he was tearing up yesterday, so I know he must be thinking things through. Just imagine: You've grown the balls to break free from your "suffocating" W and her two (almost three) children. Why in the world would you go back unless you've thought things through and you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that your W and family is what you want?
Then again, why would you leave in such a way in the first place?
I know I'm all over the place this morning, and it's actually an okay place to be. I can't "plan" for anything past what's happening at this very moment. What if I've developed some "master plan of attack," and he doesn't even call on Saturday? That'd make me feel pretty dumb.
When H called me last night, he said he's had trouble sleeping lately and had to take Tylenol PM. It was only, like, 9:30 p.m. My H's not one to self-medicate, so I thought that was kinda odd. Of course, he's not one to not be able to sleep, either. I've wondered if an ulterior motive of his in calling me last night was to let me know that OW wasn't with him. He told me he was in bed and getting ready to fall asleep (that was at about the same time he made the comment about not getting D and going to Hawaii, so I would certainly *hope* OW wasn't in the bed with him. Then again, she doesn't have the strongest character, now, does she?) Anyway, I think he wanted me to know that he was alone. Then again, maybe not. I know, nothing is black-and-white for me, is it?
Me and the DB baby are doing beautifully, despite it all. Baby's still either punching, kicking or bouncing on my bladder -- I'll be soooo happy when he learns to lay a different way. I'm starting to get really tired and all those wonderful things that come with the encroaching third trimester. But, hey, the baby's doing well at my expense, so I ain't complainin'. I'll make him fix my drinks and give me back rubs for the first 15 years of his life to compensate.
I've wanted to hit that husband of yours over the head for quite a while now.
Well depending on how Saturday goes (if it goes at all), and if your offer still stands, I might be in touch!
However, the cautious side of me tells me to keep your barriers up a bit and really make him earn his way back to your side and back into your heart.
I'm right there with ya, believe me! I'm really good at building up walls; not so great at letting them crumble down. And it's for reasons such as these that I'm like that to begin with. Sometimes, I come across as hard-nosed and bitter, and like I won't open my heart to anyone. It's just that every time I do, this kind of thing happens, and it's hard to let anybody back in ... even my own H.
I think you need to be careful that he's not trying to clean up his act a bit so he looks a little better.
To be real honest, he already looks like such a d!ck that nothing he can do can per se make him look "better," IMHO. If I know my H (which obviously I don't), he misses the comfort and stability of "home." And he's prolly gotten to that point that so many WASs do: The one where the bad parts of the M are dimished in their minds, and the good ones stand out.
Hey PandDBing- I will just say "ditto" to what everybody else has said. I definitely would have trouble taking it slow if i were you...i would probably jump right into the deep end with both feet.
I will say that i am happy for you and i HOPE that your H is being sincere.
Try to take it one day at a time and try not to think too much (yeah right). I am praying that this works out for you as you want it to.
Wow! Truly amazing considering your H had really cut off contact with you in the past. Maybe when he had to sign a lease (Oh no, a commitment!) he realized that the carefree life he thought he could have just doesn't exist.
Who knows what will come of it. I'm just glad to hear his recent actions have given you a sort of peace with everything.
Now, if only he can back up his words with action. That would be impressive.
Now apparently, in some states over there it is legal to eat Road Kill (keep it clean guys, yep my mind's in the gutter too), so serve it up with a lovely side of RK!
You guys are a mess! Thanks to all of you for stopping by.
Nothing new to report on the homefront this evening. But I'll be back on later. You guys be good ... or be good at it. You know the one I would choose.
Okay - so he's not sounding QUITE so much like Scott Peterson now - unless, of course, he's trying to butter you up to get you to go "fishing" with him. Just don't get in any boats, okay?
Expect him to swing back and forth - standard MO is to swing close, then swing back towards OW, then swing back.
If you are considering taking him back, make sure he knows he needs to get some counseling for himself to figure out why he went off the deep end like this.
I know, nothing is black-and-white for me, is it? 
