You are such a nut, Sassy. Which is why I adore you!

but could you work it around the 4th of July weekend?
The Hawaii trip is definitely second in line to Austin. Never fear. If things ever *would* work out between H and me, he loves to travel. Maybe I could bring him along and introduce him to the people who helped me see that cutting his penis off wasn't necessarily the answer to my problems. He'll appreciate all of you.

what is your take, how are you feeling...how's our little DB baby doing these days?

Ya know, as much as I tell myself that I'm not going to think about things, I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning and couldn't fall back asleep until 6 a.m. It wasn't a matter of plotting or planning or strategizing or any of that, because I honestly do realize that this is H's journey -- it always has been -- and I have absolutely no control over it.

What I'm *trying* to do is keep my eyes straight ahead. I don't want to hurt anymore than I already have, and I don't want to fall victim to in-and-out games. I *think* H knows that.

But as for me, I'll listen if H wants to talk. But I'm going to make darn sure that he's made up his mind. How will I do that? Well, to begin with, he'll have to agree to MC and at this point, I'd even go so far as to say he'll have to initiate it.

My H doesn't get too emotional, but he was tearing up yesterday, so I know he must be thinking things through. Just imagine: You've grown the balls to break free from your "suffocating" W and her two (almost three) children. Why in the world would you go back unless you've thought things through and you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that your W and family is what you want?

Then again, why would you leave in such a way in the first place?

I know I'm all over the place this morning, and it's actually an okay place to be. I can't "plan" for anything past what's happening at this very moment. What if I've developed some "master plan of attack," and he doesn't even call on Saturday? That'd make me feel pretty dumb.

When H called me last night, he said he's had trouble sleeping lately and had to take Tylenol PM. It was only, like, 9:30 p.m. My H's not one to self-medicate, so I thought that was kinda odd. Of course, he's not one to not be able to sleep, either. I've wondered if an ulterior motive of his in calling me last night was to let me know that OW wasn't with him. He told me he was in bed and getting ready to fall asleep (that was at about the same time he made the comment about not getting D and going to Hawaii, so I would certainly *hope* OW wasn't in the bed with him. Then again, she doesn't have the strongest character, now, does she?) Anyway, I think he wanted me to know that he was alone. Then again, maybe not. I know, nothing is black-and-white for me, is it?

Me and the DB baby are doing beautifully, despite it all. Baby's still either punching, kicking or bouncing on my bladder -- I'll be soooo happy when he learns to lay a different way. I'm starting to get really tired and all those wonderful things that come with the encroaching third trimester. But, hey, the baby's doing well at my expense, so I ain't complainin'. I'll make him fix my drinks and give me back rubs for the first 15 years of his life to compensate.