Any of you remember what I've said (Hope, I think I posted this on your thread) about all that can change in 24 hours? Now, I even believe myself.

Today at lunchtime, I got a message from H that he was going to stop by the house to remove a limb that had been on the roof for a long time. He said he was just calling to make sure it was okay with me for him to go into the house. I ignored the call for a while, until I started getting paranoid about him being in the house without me there -- and I couldn't find good reason (until I got here and realized he needed to go through D9's window) why he'd need to go through the house to get on the roof. So I came home, under the guise of needing to get TUMS for my heartburn (which is kickin' these days, BTW).

When I pull up in my driveway, I'm greeted by H, who's waving and smiling on the roof. He walks to the back of the house, where I'm parked. He said the house (the structure of it) "is trashed" and asked if I got his message. I said I hadn't.

I walk in the kitchen and start pouring water from the sink into my water bottle, and I saw him from the corner of my eye, walking into my "space." Next thing I know, his hand's on my belly. He asks how the baby's doing, if he's growing and if he's moving a lot. We talk briefly about me having some initial Braxton Hicks contractions, etc. Then I asked if he'd been in touch with his L yet. He said, "No. Why?" I told him my L and I had to answer his complaint, and I reemphasized that this is not how I wanted things to shake out. We had a little conversation about that, then the fun started.

H said he's realized the past five months how he's sporadic and makes spontaneous, irrational decisions. He acknowledged that I always tried to stop him from being that way, and he felt at the time like I was trying to control and suffocate him. However, he said, "I realize now that that's what I needed." He said he realized that all I was trying to do was what was best for him. He said, "I've f*cked everything up."

He said, "I moved away because I thought if I moved away from this area, I could leave everything behind me." However, he said, "This is my home. This is where everything is." He said he has realized that he misses the family that he "sporadically jumped out of." And, he said, worst of all, he left me. And now, he said, "there's a lot of sh*t going on there, too" (talking about where he's living). He said, "I've got a whole new set of problems there."

I asked if OW was pregnant or something, and he said, "No, but she's fallen in love with me, and I don't have those feelings for her. I can't make myself feel the same way."

I told him I wasn't surprised; that he's easy to fall in love with. And he said he didn't understand it. "Look at me," he said. "I've got two people who love me, and I don't understand what there is to love."

I asked if he was okay, and he shook his head no.

I told him that I still want him to be in the baby's life and I still want us to be friends. He asked if that was "a maximum" of what I wanted, and I told him I couldn't answer that right now. He asked if I had closed the door on "us" completely, and said he didn't sense that I had totally closed it. I told him I've been upfront all along about how I've felt.

He asked what I'm doing this weekend, and more specifically on Saturday, and I told him I don't know. He asked if I would talk to him, and I said I would. So he said he'd call me.

Okay, I think that's the general jist of what was said. I'll post about my feelings on this later. For now, I'm hungry, and I got a kid to feed!