Hey Preggo. Don't have to tell you that intimidation is a lawyer's best tool. Heap it on big and then reluctantly agree to what you wanted all along. Jury trial sounds like it falls under that heading. Of course, threats work best when they are not idle so who knows?
Sheesh. I just never thought about it, I guess, 'cause I've never heard of D issues going before a jury. I'm sure it's more of a scare tactic than anything, but my L's no dummy. He's ready to go with it and says it'll get us the best possible settlement. I'm sure even my L, though, is hoping H will straighten up and realize what he's done.
The most interesting factor in all of this -- which IMHO gives my L a big advantage -- is that H and L know one another (they met through me) and actually had a good R during my M. So L knows H pretty well. I think this actually is L's way of making it clear to H that the odds are against him ... and that we have enough to push it. But I think my L also knows that H isn't being advised too well, so this may provide the black-and-white that H needs to sit down and chill out for a minute. He just needs to think before he continues to act. I guess this is L's way of telling him to do that. It's actually kinda friendly of L if you put that spin on it.
Quote: Sheesh. I just never thought about it, I guess, 'cause I've never heard of D issues going before a jury.
I'm just hoping the L isn't shopping for a new yacht...my horse trainer came pretty close to a jury trial...and they told him it was going to be expensive....that's why you mediate...mediate, mediate...but of course you can toss it before him and make HIM pay all court costs...then you can do whatever your yeetle heart desires as long as your butt is in Dallas for the 4th of July weekend.
Hey Miss Sassy Pants! One thing I can assure you is that my L isn't trying to get a yacht. He's been a friend of mine for about 10 years and let's just say I'm getting one heck of a deal when it comes to legal representation. I'm very lucky to have him. We are, of course, trying to squeeze my atty fees out of H, though, but right now we're just going full throttle then anticipate backing down some.
I think L's ultimate goal is to get H to mediate; that's the best possible solution for everyone. But the problem is that H hasn't been agreeable with anything we've proposed. In his typical fashion, he wants what we wants -- nothing less. It's his way, or the highway. So the message we're trying to send to him, I guess, is that he's *not* in the best position to get his way, or to be so rigid in his legal stance. And whatever it takes to make him negotiate is what we're going to do.
How my H interprets my answer is not my problem, though I've been worried about it from day one. But I had told him over and over that this isn't the avenue I wanted to take, and I had warned him how we were going to "counterattack." H and I started working things out between the two of us last month, then I caught him with OW. And instead of calmly talking to me about it, he accuses me of being a "manipulative b*tch," told me he hates me all over again, said "I don't have feelings for you and that's why I don't care about your feelings," and then served more papers on me.
So I've finally gotten to the point where I'm gonna say f*ck him. He's gettin' what's comin' to him.
All i can say is "ugh." Its good though that your lawyer is a friend and isn't just trying to get more money for himself. I would agree that mediation is the best way to go. Maybe your H has to think that he is suggesting the mediation in order for him to go through with it? My H did that...he wanted mediation and i refused; then that was dropped; then i brought up mediation and he freaked the f@$% out; and then we went to mediation. Thats the simplistic story, but i'll tell ya, while that was going on, i was so confused b/c i was thinking "wait, you wanted mediation, i'm agreeing and now you don't want it?" WTF? But, i guess he wanted things his way. Whatever....
Jury trial could be interesting...could you imagine sitting up there on the stand...how sympathetic would those jurors be to you? But, i am sure the emotional aspect would be too much. But, as long as your L has your best interests at heart, i think you will be fine.
Any of you remember what I've said (Hope, I think I posted this on your thread) about all that can change in 24 hours? Now, I even believe myself.
Today at lunchtime, I got a message from H that he was going to stop by the house to remove a limb that had been on the roof for a long time. He said he was just calling to make sure it was okay with me for him to go into the house. I ignored the call for a while, until I started getting paranoid about him being in the house without me there -- and I couldn't find good reason (until I got here and realized he needed to go through D9's window) why he'd need to go through the house to get on the roof. So I came home, under the guise of needing to get TUMS for my heartburn (which is kickin' these days, BTW).
When I pull up in my driveway, I'm greeted by H, who's waving and smiling on the roof. He walks to the back of the house, where I'm parked. He said the house (the structure of it) "is trashed" and asked if I got his message. I said I hadn't.
I walk in the kitchen and start pouring water from the sink into my water bottle, and I saw him from the corner of my eye, walking into my "space." Next thing I know, his hand's on my belly. He asks how the baby's doing, if he's growing and if he's moving a lot. We talk briefly about me having some initial Braxton Hicks contractions, etc. Then I asked if he'd been in touch with his L yet. He said, "No. Why?" I told him my L and I had to answer his complaint, and I reemphasized that this is not how I wanted things to shake out. We had a little conversation about that, then the fun started.
H said he's realized the past five months how he's sporadic and makes spontaneous, irrational decisions. He acknowledged that I always tried to stop him from being that way, and he felt at the time like I was trying to control and suffocate him. However, he said, "I realize now that that's what I needed." He said he realized that all I was trying to do was what was best for him. He said, "I've f*cked everything up."
He said, "I moved away because I thought if I moved away from this area, I could leave everything behind me." However, he said, "This is my home. This is where everything is." He said he has realized that he misses the family that he "sporadically jumped out of." And, he said, worst of all, he left me. And now, he said, "there's a lot of sh*t going on there, too" (talking about where he's living). He said, "I've got a whole new set of problems there."
I asked if OW was pregnant or something, and he said, "No, but she's fallen in love with me, and I don't have those feelings for her. I can't make myself feel the same way."
I told him I wasn't surprised; that he's easy to fall in love with. And he said he didn't understand it. "Look at me," he said. "I've got two people who love me, and I don't understand what there is to love."
I asked if he was okay, and he shook his head no.
I told him that I still want him to be in the baby's life and I still want us to be friends. He asked if that was "a maximum" of what I wanted, and I told him I couldn't answer that right now. He asked if I had closed the door on "us" completely, and said he didn't sense that I had totally closed it. I told him I've been upfront all along about how I've felt.
He asked what I'm doing this weekend, and more specifically on Saturday, and I told him I don't know. He asked if I would talk to him, and I said I would. So he said he'd call me.
Okay, I think that's the general jist of what was said. I'll post about my feelings on this later. For now, I'm hungry, and I got a kid to feed!
Oh no. I forgot the best part. The sh*t that's going on where he's living now: He just signed a 12-month lease for an apartment. His landlord: OW's dad.
So to say he's in a lot of sh*t, I think, might be an understatement.
Holy crap preggo! Man, how confusing can you get? That boy needs help with something. I am glad you're the strong and smart one so you can figure out what to do next.
Heck, I'll be quite honest and say I don't know what to tell you. He did this once before and then slammed you down again. But you probably don't want to burn your bridges, either, if you still feel he is a good man who temporarily freaked out at the thought of a new baby, new pressures, ect.
I guess just go slow. Does he have to be served those papers within a certain time, or can you delay and see what happens? Is there any way he might have gotten wind of how harsh they were going to be? I just say that because I wonder if he's being nice to change your mind...but if he would have no clue what was in them, that's not an issue.
Relax, it doesn't have to be decided tonight. Go slow.
One thing I can assure you is that my L isn't trying to get a yacht. 
He's been a friend of mine for about 10 years and let's just say I'm getting one heck of a deal when it comes to legal representation. I'm very lucky to have him. We are, of course, trying to squeeze my atty fees out of H, though, but right now we're just going full throttle then anticipate backing down some.
He said he was just calling to make sure it was okay with me for him to go into the house. I ignored the call for a while, until I started getting paranoid about him being in the house without me there -- and I couldn't find good reason (until I got here and realized he needed to go through D9's window) why he'd need to go through the house to get on the roof. So I came home, under the guise of needing to get TUMS for my heartburn (which is kickin' these days, BTW).