Quote: I feel good about the decision right now. After a person makes a tough decision you either feel that you regret it or finally glad the decision was made!
I also decided to 'divorce' my wife. She made it clear to me that she deserved to be 'happy' and that 'happy' was not with me. And she WILL 'have her OM' no matter what.
How can I stay 'mentally' married to someone who is emotionally immature and dishonest - with herself! And she does these things that hurt me, the 'flirty' things so we can 'be friends' I guess. Regardless, I want a divorce from her. I don't care if it's 'legal' just 'emotional'. It's better for my PMA. Isn't that what DB'ing is about, taking care of YOU?
Maybe in this context 'divorce' and 'detachment' mean the same thing. I don't care to move out or get a lawyer, just not to care for her or for her actions. Not be angry or mean, just not feel hurt or angry at what she does. And to start erasing her from that special place in my heart. I'll always love her, but she can't stay in that special place.
She has an OM who is basically a loser and uses her. She thinks so little of our marriage, and SHE was an energy drain on ME when I was hurting, and not any kind of help to me at all. I have forgiven myself and her for each of our roles in this. And I'm focusing on GAL and healing myself for ALL the past hurts, and the new ones she is inflicting on me.
I will 'act as if' she and I are divorcing and it's what I WANT and she can have it. It's what I said to her the other day when we had our argument, and I need to follow through with action. I want to divorce her emotionally. My actions will be to GAL, and live with her, acting as a man who is divorcing her, as she has requested. SHE still has to file since SHE is the one who wants this but I'M going to begin the mental process of divorcing myself from her.
And it DOES feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I'm not trying to please her in any way, just to be a good and decent man to her as I would to anyone else I care for. And to find the rest of 'myself' and get on with living my life as it is supposed to be lived.
Maybe she will play her 'pull me closer' games but I won't respond. She can't have both OM and me. I deserve, no DEMAND much more respect than that. If you say you are divorcing me AND have OM then I am not going to be a source of support. She forfeited that.
I made financial and housing commitments to her and I will keep them. I promised to 'be there' if she really needed me and I will. She is the mother of my children and has earned that from me. But she can't play emotional games with me any more. Or expect me to be more than a room-mate / friend. Not till she makes an effort to earn that right.
I still love her, too much. If she wakes up and decides that maybe we are worth fighting for then it will be different. I'm not holding out any hope that will happen soon.
All I can control is myself. Holding on to hope just hurts. Letting her go completely, 100% will be better for me and help me to GAL. Who knows, maybe for her it will make a difference in her attitude. She's emotionally gone anyway so what do I have to lose? Nothing really.
