She is tired of me always being there for her and picking up her pieces. Even though she knows I am only trying to help her and be there for her, she feels I am still controlling her. She wants to be independent, and do things for herself.
I understand that.
Stop picking up the pieces, plain and simple.
So whenever I ask for explanations I come across as controlling, manipulative, and pressuring her
Yeah, because it's all "pursuing" type behaviors you're doing when you do want to speak about, and how you speak about, the relationship.
I want this dynamic to change.
You're the key to that. Change what you're doing. That's the first step.
This is the first time through all this that I AM the one considering a divorce, and seeing a lawyer. I fought the lawyers, and divorce since the start but now I feel that maybe my only viable option!
Getting a divorce is not what I meant.
Just one option available to you, huh? You can do better than that.
My other option is still GAL, remain calm, be friendly to my W, and have some patience. try to DB and DR. Give her the space she wants, and treat her like a roommate.
Ah, another better option. Except that you could treat her a good, good friend, not as a "roommate".
The big problem with that is the dynamic does not stop (at least right away)
But it may still stop (or change) in time, right? Are you saying you're only open to remedies that are instantaneous? Is that realistic?
I know go on with your life, and let her live hers, but how under the same roof?
By allowing yourself to let it happen so.
Right now all I want is a break from this hell!
Well, you already know the answer to that one.
Look, Tim, many times folks post to find answers about what to do in their sitch, what their WAS is thinking/feeling, etc., hoping that others can provide those answers and shed some light. Right now, you've got something better! You've got your wife telling you exactly what her issues with you are and what she'd like to see from you instead!
