Just to share anecdotal advice, I found myself in a similar situation very recently. I confronted OM and W together when I found my car parked in shopping mall parking lot. They came rolling up in his car and I immediately flew into a rage. I called the other man out on the carpet, ready to defend my honor so to speak. At that moment, several things registered very clearly to me. 1) Any action on my part would NOT be appropriate as it would either land me in jail or worse, 2) OM is not the only reason this is happening, 3) no matter what I do, it wouldn't change the fact that this was happening.

At that point, I began to believe that no matter what I did, she wasn't going to change the sitch based upon how I felt...it was her walk, so to speak, and she had to come to whatever conclusions on her own.

Tim, I feel for you so much. I read your sitch and it makes me both sad and angry. Ultimately, there does come a point when a person has had enough, and only that person knows when that time is. The only advice I can offer is that you make certain, before taking any action, that you have reached that point. Acting out of anger or on a whim is only going to lead to regrets. If you feel that your W and family is the most important thing in the world, then you will perservere and find the strength to move forward. If you find after deep reflection that you cannot, then you must also consider the consequences. Sorry again, I wish we all had the power to make WAS see

"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu