She is not OK or she would be home talking to me logically and making sure her kids were warm and all tucked in! Instead she is disrepecting me, and be self centered! Yes everyone out there is saying calm down, he is losing it...you are right but this is my "inside" voice coming out on this message board right now! The only thing I am afraid of is the inside voice coming out when she comes home! I still want to call!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Quote: She is not OK or she would be home talking to me logically and making sure her kids were warm and all tucked in! Instead she is disrepecting me, and be self centered! Yes everyone out there is saying calm down, he is losing it...you are right but this is my "inside" voice coming out on this message board right now! The only thing I am afraid of is the inside voice coming out when she comes home! I still want to call!
But you won't call because I am telling you from experience, it will NOT help. I USED TO BE HER. I know.
I called but hung up right away! No message! How can she say this afternoon she wants to be with me and she is sorry, and all the OM does is hurt her and manipulate her AND then go out all nite with him! She does not deserve my respect anymore!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Tim you are so needy / clingy and being such a doormat that it makes me physically cringe to read your posts. I get seriously worked up thinking about how you are letting yourself be demasculated.
Establish and enforce some real boundaries. Your wife runs around with OM all bnights of the week and you're calling to see if shes ok?? What exactly are you worried about?? If OM can keep it up??
If I can barely read your thread because of your doormattiness, then how attractive do you think you are to your wife??
Anybody who lets themselves get treated the way you do has no respect for love for himself. How do you expect your wife to love and respect you??
I know that this is extremely harsh, but I really struggle when I see somebody who is obviously a kind and generous person and a good father let himself be mistreated.
Please, please, please, get the balls to protect yourself and your kids.
My old thread got locked, so I am starting a new one!
That's because they get filled up fast with your posts about you stewing over everything.
Do I force her out so she can truly appreciate her "love" for this other guy or do I try and keep the family together and go cold?
What makes you think these extremes are your only two options?
Well the emotions got the best of me this morning and I BLEW UP! I told her this has to end and I can't put up with this anymore.
Sounds again like you have to get a handle on controlling your emotions, doesn't it?
Tim, this board is about applying solution oriented principles to one's life and one's self and one's situation. When are you going to do that? After things get worse? After you finally break down from emotional exhaustion? After it's too late?
Well I did everything wrong~!... I am sure I will regret what I did, but I have been living throught this hell since April! I could not hold back my emotions any longer and maybe she needed to see me like that!
What makes you think she needs to see anger and resentment? How is that attractive? That's not what endeared her to you when you first met, is it?
I was the same way. I acted like Switzerland!... I keep the emmoions in and then they come out a little to aggressive sometimes!... Not proud of it.
Don't blame you for not being proud of it. You recognize this flaw in how you interact, and it now points to working on your self, learning how to express your concerns effectively, constructively, instead of turning them inward, which only serves to increase resentment and frustration while problems get bigger.
I did feel better to get things off my chest! In a way I was relieved!
Well, of course it feels better to you to vent. But that doesn't make the sitch better, nor does it make you tap into your higher self and learn new ways to cope.
she realized how wrong she was, and she was making a mistake. She told me she wants to be with me, and that she knows the OM is completely wrong for her, and is totally manipulating her.
He is also very manipulating and controling....which is one of the big reasons why my W left me initially!
Tim, she may very well just be trying to keep the peace in the face of your blowup. And when you do blow up and issue ultimatums, that, my friend, is a form of control, isn't it? So, if you're still demonstrating control type behavior to your W, do you think she really believes anything is going to be different for her going forward?
My W ahs been gone with the OM for over 3.5 hrs! Early today she said she wants to be with me, and she knows the OM is wrong for her! Now she before she leaves she thanx me for being a friend and goes there with no expectations! This is how a friend treats another friend! This is crap!
Well, you don't know what's going on in that 3� hours, but all the same, look at your reaction again! Pure emotion, jumping to conclusion, stewing in your juices.
I know from this morning don't speak when so emmotional but I feel I have to follow through with what I started this morning!
"But"? Point is, you KNOW that you should not react when you're emotional. Why don't you focus on THAT and work on it? Instead, you're already planning on doing the easier thing: exploding again in the morning, knee jerking to your feelings.
You're not helping yourself nor your situation any. Better think hard about that, because you're absolutely going to kill it off, and then you'll be posting here with more rage and despair. Then what are you going to do? You're going to wish you had reigned it in and followed the advice to detach. Well, instead of then having a more damaged sitch and regrets wishing you had handled it differently, why don't you just decide to do it now?
Hi Tim, I was just catching up on threads here and as I read your excited post this afternoon, I thought oh oh, I hope he's ready for the sick ride down after the thrilling ride up. You're right, it's a wild coaster. Then I read your later post. These things just don't make sense. Sorry for your evening. I know the feelings. I would still say what she said means something and all is not lost over what happened later. Remain patient and calm. You can't leap chapters ahead. I wouldn't worry about blasting her, it's so hard to take this. Now you'll get back on course. Good luck.
If I can barely read your thread because of your doormattiness, then how attractive do you think you are to your wife??
Anybody who lets themselves get treated the way you do has no respect for love for himself. How do you expect your wife to love and respect you??
I know that this is extremely harsh, but I really struggle when I see somebody who is obviously a kind and generous person and a good father let himself be mistreated.
Please, please, please, get the balls to protect yourself and your kids.
Well I am so far from DB right now I am done posting right now! I just had to address this one quote! Last nite I did grab some balls and I pulled out the suitcases and asked her to leave if she wants to be with the OM and treat me the way she is! Alot more happened but it really does not matter right now! I hit the bottom of the pool, and she said she is not moving out because of the kids and she is entitled o be here as much as me, and that she does not want to choose me or the OM! I hope people at least learn one thing from me and that is what not to do!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
