Well, this is Tim's thread but you addressed us both so... My wife, if you read my thread today, says something has to give. She is about to have a nervous breakdown (her words). I don't know what that means but it must mean that like you, about 3 months into this thing, she's cracking. As for my words to her about the affair, they are not supportive or a$$ kissing in the least. I have told her that I am contemplating divorce even if she's not. I have told her this has to end. She knows how I feel. Because of DB I feel like I should be doing more detaching and supporting and such, but I just can't make myself do it. I believe she needs to feel what she is doing to me. I do not pressure her. I do not go on about it but in no way do I empathize with her affair. I barely tolerate it but not for much longer. With my W, she CLAIMS it is only an EA but once again, I believe that about as much as I believe, well, in unicorns. Hell, it could be true, but the disrespect is there never-the-less and I am almost to the point where I will begin to withdraw, detach, go dark and tell her to end either them or us. I know this thing for her is not about me, but this thing WITH her IS about me and as someone who is about doing for themselves these days in reaction to someone sh!tting all over them, I am looking at all options. I am willing to wait a little longer to see if her words about "knowing it needs to end" are really the stringing along thing I think they are, or if somehow she means to end this herself. Either way, I understand where you're coming from, and I think Tim will too. It is harsh but so is what our wives are doing to us. A stand, emotionless, calculated and firm, will need to be made soon. I am trying to reconcile that with DBing but I am getting close to the point where I will need to do what I need to do as a human with self respect. Will that happen today? No. Tomorrow? Probably not. Next Week? Maybe, who knows. A wise poster once told me that it's up to each of us to know when enough is enough. For Tim it was this morning. For Frank, it was today (thankfully, not really). For Vince it seems to be Monday (or was, havn't read his thread lately). Thank you for your advice. It has been heard.
If you want, you can post replies to my thread (Unique situation...no...part 2)
