Hit the wall now what......New thread

[Tim297181]

Well the emmotions got the best of me this morning and I BLEW UP!
Just before my wife was going to leave for school this morning, I asked what her day was like, and if she was picking up the kids. Yes she said. No problem, then I said I would like to workout after work and if she was OK with the kids for supper. She hesitated and then said:
"Well OK but I have plans and I need to study.....Actually I am going to a movie tonite"
Well after she said that my blood pressure went up, I was thinking to myself don't react....but I had to let it out.
Calmly I said you are going with the OM. She said it doesn't matter, and I may just go with some friends. I said this is childish and if you can't be honest don't even try to cover up. She admitted it was the OM she had plans with, and then she said its "just" a movie.
Well that is when I said in my head enough is enough!
"I told her this has to end and I can't put up with this anymore. If she wants to ruin our marriage and put me and the kids through hell that is her choice. If she loves this other guy so much go be with him!!!"
All she said was" What am I supposed to do! You have said go be with him before. I don't want to talk about this now!"
Well I was on a role so I continued and said "If you want to ruin your life with an alcoholic that is your choice. It is time for this situation to be resolved, and our lives need to go on! If you want to put the kids through this again, and you love him so much just do it! You have been able to have your cake and eat it to with me taking care of the kids 90% of the time, supporing you in school, and then you get to go out with your boyfriend! This is disrespectful to yourself, me, and the kids!"
Well it got worse because my 4yr old who is very sensitive started to cry because we were arguing, and then I felt horrible! My said stop a couple times but I just had to let it out!
Well I did everything wrong~! I pushed, I argued in front of my kids, and I basically told her to get out and see how life will be with this loser OM!
Strange enough I fell bad about my daughters reacion, but I don't feel that bad about giving it to my W! I have had enough! I am sure I will regret what I did, but I have been living throught this hell since April! I could not hold back my emmotions any longer and maybe she needed to see me like that! Wrong! I still want to work out my marriage, but I needed to stand up for myself! Short term it is satisfying in the long run we will see!