Hi Tim, It has taken me a little while to respond as I had a mountain of posts to go through to bring myself up to date with your sitch.
I know it all sucks especially when you want something so badly and doesn't matter what you seem to do it makes no difference, but maybe that is part of the problem.
As I read through all your posts from the beginning it was pretty much the same thing over and over, alot of backwards and forwards but no real clear decision from your W and really why should she. At the moment she can see OM and knows 100% that you are waiting for her should it all go belly up.
You are understanding, forgiving, supportive but also needy and pushy for info and answers. I think all the advice you have been given from our fellow DBers have been right on the money and one of your comments to someone else was that you and him are alike but neither of you listen to your own advice.
I am only pointing this out as it is what stood out the most to me.
I believe she will ultimately do what she wants in the end and your best course of action is to look after you. Learn to put yourself and your kids first. Try and find a way of letting whatever she does just roll off your back as hard as that is.
If you read alot of others post you will see that when you act "as if" you are O.K. and moving on (even if your not) the WAS seems to respond more. Try not to ask questions, be pleasant but a little distant, be understanding (even if you don't feel it) and try and just get on with things and let her see what it is like when you are not her rock.
This is just my opinion and it may not work for you but in my own sitch I have found that the more carefree and self sufficient I seem to my H the more he seems to seek me out. It takes awhile but you know what in the end it becomes habit forming and you feel better equiped to handle it all either way. It takes alot of practise and a few set backs but in the end it is amazing how much better you feel when you don't let them or their actions bother you. (It is hard at first)
My own H ended it with OW a few times and said he was working it out with me only for me to find he was still seeing her behind my back. It is not easy for them to cut ties with OP but alot of them eventually do but only in their own time, you cannot hurry up the process (as much as we would like to).
I am by no means an expert and am far from having resolved everything with my H but we have come a long way and it is only through a lot of mistakes on my behalf in how I have handled things that I have got this far.
I wish you all the luck in the world and the strength to continue on this rollercoaster but you are getting good advice from everyone just try and act on it as hard as it is. Resist the urge to take your W's bait and resist asking about OM and your R. (Hard but necessary even for your own personal growth)
You do sound a lot more centred since your visit with your C so keep up the positive outlook and improvements.
I hope what I have said makes some sense to you and helps a little....Goodluck....Kim
