How can someone so smart at one time become so ignorant! My goal is still to be married and keep my family together, yet it gets blurred with her actions! Do I really want her?
Has not a thing to do with smarts, Tim! It's all about how they're feeling, and that's one reason why it doesn't make sense.
Though your goals are notable, perhaps right now they're out of reach and therefore, unattainable. Besides, those goals you've stated need her participation in them to share those goals and to achieve them, and you can't count on that. Perhaps modifying those goals somewhat, and making them more specific, would help. Make them easier to attain. For example, think in more self focused terms: "My goal is to work on bettering our relationship, for my part. Here's how I'll accomplish that"... rather than the too vague "still be married".
Am I strong enough to develop the strength to get through this
You betcha! You know how I know? You're asking the question! Unless you flung yourself over a bridge when the bomb was first dropped, you've been surviving all the blows since... though it's been crippling and painful, you're still looking to "develop the strength to get through this", IOW, looking to hang in there and make it through. So, let me ask you... how much strength do you think you've already exhibited by virtue of the fact that you've already been through so much and are still here? Tim, you have already developed the strength! You just need to know how to apply it.
and at the end help her to see that divorce is not the answer?
that, my friend, is her journey. You, on your part, can help by demonstrating, through your behavioral improvements and interactions with her, that you are capable of betterment, and eventually, she may see that... hey... it's not Tim that was the problem. Have you seen my thread lately? My ex's fog seems to be lifting now that some time has passed and her negative feelings are dissipating, and what does she see? A guy she can love and has regrets about... the same guy she couldn't pack up and leave fast enough a year and a half ago (well, maybe not the "same", same guy )
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