You already know what I think about this but I will share a little more.
Quote: Am I strong enough to develop the strength to get through this and at the end help her to see that divorce is not the answer?
Well, I think the key to all this is in this last statement that I guess I missed the first time around. Divorce may be the answer to her. That's the part you are not accepting. You may indeed be able to do the work necessary to change yourself and the situation your presence in her life creates, but it's up to her to react to that on her own volition. Your strength will be most useful with your kids and you as you make your way forward, detached from the illusion that she will do any of the right things. It is a harsh thing to say, and one that should I dwell on it in my own stich, I will get emotional, but it is also true, I think. She has to work out her demons and from your description of this a$$hole, he is that for sure. Like I said in an email to you, her relationship with this guy serves to further her illusions about the world. The consequences of how he treats her, the reaction of your kids, the divorce that will start to loom closer over the horizon, your strength and resolve to be positive and her own ability to start to reconnect with reality will all contribute to whatever outcome is in the cards, or God's will, or fate, or whatever. You are NOT powerless here, just relatively powerless to control the outcome of this sitch as much as you want to. You know I am hurting right now almost as much as you are so maybe take my words with a grain of salt. Today is not a really good day, but there are bound to be better ones than this. Lastly, as usual, focus on the Haves, not the Have nots, or even soon to have nots.
