Hit the wall now what......New thread

[Tim297181]

My old thread got locked, so I am starting a new one!


Well the sh!t hit the fan!
She did not go to end things, instead she came home to tell me how much she loves him! I asked her why she said she was going to end things and didn't? She said "I did not say that I said this has to end (meaning the sitch")
I hate to say it but I am devastated!
So I told her that she needs to figure things out and if she loves him that much and is prepared to throw away everything we have she better go and find out! I took off my wedding ring (which I never have done since the seperation first started in April) and told her to give it back to me when she wants me back! She said that is probably a good idea (cold b!..tch)
After that we got ready for bed and I could not believe what was going on yet again! So I followed her into the bedroom and we talked some more. Same stuff she does not want to hurt me, I always knew she had these feelings, I deserve better than this blah blah blah...and oh yeah she took back the necklace she got from him on his holiday!
Long story short I basically told her that I will always be her friend, that I can't believe she is choosing an alcoholic/gambler/drug user over me, that I don't want my kids around him and we will need a serious talk about that, AND I hope when she fiqures out that I am worth fighting for that I hope I am still there for her! Then I went to sleep on the couch!
The couch thing lasted about an hour after I said WTF am I doing! So i went back to our bed! So no sleep at all. Our daughter came in 2 or 3 times. Then about 4 am I started to feel srtong anxiety, and I started to have small panic attacks...well that peaked at about 5:30 am and I had to wake my wife up! Hard time breathing like a 1000 lbs on my chest! She really could careless, and then the kids woke up. Oh I forgot in the middle of the nite I put my ring back on (I just can't take it off yet)
After the kids woke up I was still a mess and all 4 of us sat in my daughters bed for about a 1/2 hour. My W was all bubbly and playing with the kids like nothing was wrong! All I said is that "I want us to work this out and I am still willing to go to marriage councilling!" her response I know!
Anyways she went back to bed and I took the kids to the day home! (Doormat again)
I really have mixed feelings on what to do. Do I force her out so she can truly appreciate her "love" for this other guy or do I try and keep the family together and go cold?
She said several times she regrets giving up her place so quickly, meaning she would be out if she still had her own place!
She is probably planning her move out right now! I know the kids will slow her down a bit, but I really am torn if I want her out or not! This has been going on for months! This has to stop!
I know NY said to detatch and get out of her vortex......She has to make her own decisions! How can someone so smart at one time become so ignorant! My goal is still to be married and keep my family together, yet it gets blurred with her actions! Do I really want her? Am I strong enough to develop the strength to get through this and at the end help her to see that divorce is not the answer?