First of all, thanks guys for this being the first real hijack of my thread. I LOVE IT. Continue, please...
I don't think I said "you're beautiful" nearly enough to have it be overkill but yes, she was numb, or oblivious to it. She dresses VERY well and not for any kind of effect. She doesn't need to.
So, my night last night was good. I got home in time to spend some time with my boys and then I went to a basketball game. When I got back, I spent about an hour helping my W do some things for my son's birthday party this weekend. In the past, we didn't work well together because I was so concerned about doing something wrong, or not the way she wanted me to do it. Now I have no such concerns and we worked very well together. We cleaned out a spare room together, working shoulder to shoulder without any conflict. It was nice for a change. I went to bed and that was about it. I don't know when she came to bed. That is a first since I almost always would wait up or wake up when she came to bed. Also, for the first time since all this started, her cell phone was inside when I got home. Of course, it may be that she was on the phone with OM the whole time I was gone, but she has always made sure to leave it in her car no matter what. Curious, nothing more. I am maintaining my detachment but honestly it was easy yesterday because there was no overt OM stuff. I feel confident that I can continue detaching. I will be tested and I may fail but I hope I don't quit if that happens. Along the lines of detaching, one thing I thought of is this: Could it be that detached is how we need to live the rest of our lives with out spouses, not just through this. By that I mean if we are detached, we can give them love when they hurt because we are not hurting just because they do. We do not get angry when they are angry because our emotions are not tied to theirs. In the past, out of guilt or plain emotional reaction, my mood would mirror my wife's. In that state, I was unable to be there for her because I felt as crappy as she did if she was sad, or angry if she was. Even before all this I always wondered what it would be like if I could be happy when she was sad so I could stand beside her as a support instead of someone pulling deeper into whatever she was feeling.
Lastly, I read the Four Agreements yesterday. Very powerful stuff. I need to re-read (actually listen to it...audiobook) it to understand it fully. I consider myself pretty intelligent but this was a lot to digest. Any comments on the book and what it meant to you if you read it, are welcome. Book reports anyone?
