Thank you for the kind words and questions. I will try to answer them best I can:
Quote: 1. Have you concretely identified and been doing enough to meet your wife's emotional needs lately??
I think so. I read the 5 Love Languages and I am still having trouble identifying my wife's language. I am, however, doing much better at really listening to her, making eye contact (I used to actually walk away when she talked. Can't imagine why that bothered her) and validating her instead of offering her my opinion or solution to the problem. Last night's conversation was a great success on all those fronts, and for the first time in a LONG time, I really felt connected to her through words. Don't worry, I am still detaching, just really trying to work on my communication skills.
Quote: 2. Have you been undertaking anything concrete to detach and taking enough time for your own activities??
As I have said, I have plenty of activities and work that is really play that I continue to do. What is different is that I no longer downplay it. In the past I would actually make myself not enjoy things out of guilt that my W was at home, not having a life. Now I am embracing that which makes me happy and if I have a great time, and she asks, I tell her. It's not in the telling that's important, it's in the experience. I can't lie. I still feel down most of the time and I have trouble enjoying a lot, but I am making the effort.
Quote: 3. Is the balance of time spent with the kids and on private activities relatively equal for both of you?? You don't want to end up in a situation where you are always looking after the kids while she gets to go out and have fun.
Yes. There has been relatively no change (well, from the past several months) in the time we spend with the kids, either apart or together. In the more distant past the tables were WAY in my favor in the respect that I was going 2-3-4 nights a week and she had the kids a lot of afternoons and nights alone. I have made an effort to actually scale back what I am doing outside the home so that the balance is there, but still to more actively do things that really make me happy. Does that make sense? It is one of the things I have decided to do based on the dynamics of my sitch. I really related to Frank in his thread when he said that sometimes detaching can be perceived as a huge "more of the same" from his W because of all the time in the past he was not available for her. One of my 180's is to be available more often. It is a tricky act because I am also trying to detach so being available really just means for the kids and maybe some things that need doing around the house.
