Well, almost made it through the weekend and then my W sprung the "Oh, and I'm going out for a few hours tonight." Of course, it is with a group of friends, NOT a date as she says but who cares. I don't believe her, she knows it, my demeanor changed and she knows it. I told her I wished she had said something before a couple hours from leaving and she said she thought she had, and what did it really matter anyway. She went on to say, "now you're all in a mood. what do I expect you to act like I guess." I said "I think all things considered, I have been acting VERY well towards you, correct?" She said "yes, you have." So I said "So if I have moment where the intense pain gets to me, forgive me. I will be fine in a minute." She said ok. It was weak of me, and I indeed pulled myself together. She went out, theoretically to be home in time to put the kids down. I doubt that. I am so depressed lately because I am just starting to feel the "failure" feelings I read about. My relationship failed and my family is failing. I can't wrap my head around how that is going to change. I am trying my best to contain all this crap but it's spilling over to my kids and my general life. Not much but it is. It's like nothing in my life gets past the "this sucks" filter I have. I am uninterested in everything. I am supposed to GAL but nothing makes me happy. I went to see a movie and I just sat there watching numb. It was ok, but... I am back to yelling at the kids. I am back to the emotional swings from hell (behind closed doors anyway) and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I know detachment it the key. It will come sooner of later. Right now I am attached for sure, but at least I am doing a reasonably good job of concealing it. Last thing is that I am feeling a ton of jealousy towards this new group of friends she claims to have. They may all be made up, but I don't think so. So she has the great life, with a new man, friends and no husband or kids. Sounds great! Then she come home to this. The kids are misbehaving more than ever, I am moody at best despite great acts of DBing strength to NOT be that way much of the time, and the bills still need to get paid. Anyone know how to get a 5 year old and 3 year old to DB?
