I appreciate your comments. I think Tim and my sitch have similarities but they are different as well, especially in duration. I get a little defensive about "grow a set" comments because I was on a few other boards before finding the books and this one. The main reason I left those other boards was because from post one I was getting the "grow a set and throw the B@## out!" It was a marvelous grasp of the obvious urge but not very helpful. I guess it's all in the delivery, as we've been seeing with the words of a certain person around here being take as sarcastic and mean spirited instead of helpful and supportive. I really want to give my wife the comfortable place to come to but she seems to harbor so much resentment towards the way I USED to behave that it looks like it will be a long road for me, all the while, she's carrying on God knows what with this OM. I AM new to my sitch compared to many here and I use your experiences as a gauge for where I am and where I may end up. What I am finding out though is that there are only so many universals you can use in a situation like this. Yes, my sitch is similar, and my W may be similar, but similar is not exact and therefore, I think I need to start examining my sitch and making decisions that suit it. I am not talking radical departure from DBing, just really thinking about what 180's I need to do and what things I can do to be supportive but not enabling, assertive but not controlling, loving but not smothering. I really want to thank you all for suffering through some of my rambling. I am trying to me more focused and less emotional here. I hope it helps you help me.
