What I think is validating is often just trying not to sound upset. Not the same thing.
Yeah... that's a kinda strange definition of "validate" "Trying not to sound upset" would be more like under the heading of "Acting as if", right?
A great book to learn how to better listen and validate is "I Don't Have To Make Everything OK".
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but I don't know how to tell her that since everything I tell her is perceived as an attempt to "fix" us.
OK, look... do grab a copy of that book and put it into practice. When you become validative, she won't see it as you trying to "fix", because it's going to change how you approach her. It's going to teach you how to aid her, not fix her, aid her in exploring her own self and coming up with her own answers. You're going to find that the more you learn to let go... the more you gain.
"Trying not to sound upset" would be more like under the heading of "Acting as if", right?
