Last night my W got VERY drunk and said a lot of things that scared me and make me think it's time to have a conversation.
She said, for the first time, that she no longer wanted to be responsible for the boys (I don't think she would ever do anything to harm our boys, so please don't misread me on that). She kept saying she couldn't do this anymore. She kept asking me to take her somewhere. She kept saying she needed to "go". She also said she didn't know if she wanted to live and that she was very depressed.
She asked me if I would be upset if she left, and I don't think she was talking about for the night.
I finally held her and talked her down by gentle reassuring and validation. She eventually fell asleep.
I know she was drunk, but if I look back at our history, some of the same things she told me in the bomb drop conversation, she had already said on the rare occasions when she'd get that drunk, I just blew them off.
I asked her to have lunch with me today. I don't know if she will. If she does, or even if it has to wait until tonight, I think I need to talk to her.
I need to tell her to go to him if that's what she wants. I don't want her around the boys if she is feeling like they are part of her problem. I want to "let go" for real and truly give her the space she seems to need.
Last night was probably one of the scariest nights of my life, and I do not want to repeat it under any circumstances.
I would love to get her to counseling but I know, like always, she will downplay last night and say it doesn't mean anything. Bullsh!t.
I am not angry, nor particularly fearful of her leaving. If she does, then so be it. I can't hold on anymore.
I still want to tell her what I realized about our R and my part in spoiling it, but this may not be the time nor place.
Please, help me. I don't feel emotional right now. I think I am making rational decisions, but something in the back of my mind is saying to just let it be. I just don't know if it's safe to do that right now.
Do I talk to her or not? Let these things slide as more of the same from her?
